Questions you don't need to ask yourself

“Why am I doing all this?”, “Why is there such injustice around me?” and similar questions are the questions of the victim. Just by asking such a question, we make ourselves feel unhappy and helpless.

In reality, this is just a convenient habit (hello, comfort zone) that can and should be changed for a healthier one.

Tatiana Pyataeva

transformational psychologist

What questions should you not ask yourself?

Table of Contents

“Why do I need all this?”

We were taught in childhood that if something bad happened, it is necessarily a consequence of our wrong actions. They put us in the corner for what? Disobedience. A “D” for what? Because you didn’t learn. It is much more appropriate to ask the question, “Why did you get a D?” – “To realize that you need to come to class prepared.”

The very question “Why?” has a gloomy coloring and carries a negative charge of punishment. It is pointless to figure out why you are being punished and whether the punishment is just or not. So is it worth all that effort to figure out “Why?”

“How do I make myself do it?”

Every day we want to become a Winner: we try to defeat our non-perfect body, bad moods, resentments, low self-esteem. However, we forget that there can be no victory without violence.

In the struggle with ourselves, we divide ourselves into two parts: one part we declare “good” and “right”, and the other part we call “bad”, “lazy” and “unsuccessful”. This is how the internal split is formed, and behind it, the internal conflict.

We don’t ask ourselves the questions: “Why do I want to fight?”, “Why do I resist what I want to achieve?”. It is much easier to fight with ourselves than to find answers. And it is always more pleasant to declare another victory to others.

Fighting with yourself, with your vices and habits is not an option. Who will win? No one, because the forces are equal… In the fight with yourself you will still lose, because one part of the whole will be defeated. You have to look for the reason and the answer to the question, “Why am I doing this (or not doing this)?”

We talk about what you need to say to yourself after a defeat in this material.

“What will others think of me?”

This question originates from the pattern of “not standing out.” Its formation began when people lived in “herds” in caves. And if a representative of the community did not want to follow the established rules, traditions, rituals, but proposed innovations (in modern terms), he risked becoming an outcast, which meant death. Because a man could not survive alone, he was threatened by predators, natural disasters, neighboring tribes and hunger. That’s where the name “herd mentality” comes from.

Note that the very context of “go against everyone and die” has long ceased to exist, but the fear of standing out and becoming an outcast is alive and well. Frederick Perls, the legendary figure of world psychology, once said: “I do mine, and you do yours. I don’t live in this world to fulfill your expectations. And you do not live in this world to fulfill mine. You are you and I am me.”

And so, if you remove the usual questions from everyday life: “Why should I do all this?”, “How can I make myself live differently?” and “What will people say about me?”, the space that is vacated can be occupied by creative thoughts. And, as a consequence, new bright possibilities and bright prospects become visible.