8 things you should never apologize for

One of the “golden” rules of child rearing is the ability to teach a child to say “magic” words. In a row with “thank you”, “please”, “hello” and “goodbye” stood the word “sorry”.

Let’s find out what we have been taught to apologize for and in what cases it is not necessary to do it.

Irina Berman

psychologist, coach, founder of the Children’s Center for Intellectual Development

Tells what you should not apologize for.

For the truth. I think here everyone will remember his story. For example, the child did not eat grandma’s pie, called it unpalatable. Parents poke the kid in the side: “Apologize, she tried for you!”. But what if he really didn’t like the pie? To apologize for the truth is to have no right to your own opinion.

For your rejection. It’s never a good idea to apologize for something you don’t want to do. Saying “no” does not need to be backed up by your apology, as you have nothing to feel guilty about.

For other people’s expectations. You don’t have to and don’t have to conform to anyone else’s norms, rules, expectations. You can not live someone else’s interests, desires and maintain the image that a person has created in his head.

About how to correctly combine personal life and work, read here.

For their life views, principles, opinions. It is important to live the way you want to live, and not according to imposed templates or looking at others.

For what is the responsibility of others. Got the wrong order at a restaurant? “Sorry, but I didn’t order that.” What if the hairdresser messed up your hair? Should we say, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t order that”? Perhaps this is an exaggeration, but these apologies have nothing to do with politeness, but only with asserting your boundaries and your right to receive the quality services you are paying for.

For your desires. Believe me, it’s your right, not a reason to apologize to yourself or much less to others. To be alone, to go on vacation in the winter, to spend money on yourself – not selfishness, but a healthy desire of any person.

To your emotions. Neither for tears, nor for a good mood can not blame themselves – we are all people and have the right to show their feelings. It is not healthy to hold back emotions.

To others. Actions of adults and capable people – not your area of responsibility.

To ignorance. It’s impossible to know everything. Learning new things is much more satisfying than guilt, and the ability to admit that you don’t know something is a sign of strength.

To the absence of guilt. Don’t make excuses or take responsibility if you had nothing to do with what happened.

To mitigate an unpleasant situation, you can express regret, acknowledge the other person’s emotions, or offer an alternative. What is an apology in essence? It is an admission of guilt to someone for something. But unfortunately, many people apologize “just because.”

This can be “justified” by politeness, a desire to please, to please, but mostly it is a problem with self-esteem and personal boundaries. Do not forget that guilt is not innate, but formed. And outright rudeness is impossible to cover with apologies.