A psychologist explained how to determine your level of toxicity

Recently, the term “toxicity” is often mentioned in psychology, referring to a quality of a person that makes others feel uncomfortable in his company. For this reason, we desperately learn how to properly communicate with such specimens in order not to succumb to their bad influence. However, the true state of affairs is slightly at odds with the clichés.

Tatiana Vasilkova

communication expert, psychologist

“If you are convinced that you are surrounded by toxic people, think about it… Why does this happen? Let’s find out where toxicity ‘grows’ from and what our own attitude to the world has to do with it.”

Toxicity as a reflection in a mirror

People show themselves to us the way we see them. If one person you know is considered lazy and another person you know is considered stupid, both of them will demonstrate these very characteristics. All because each person is multifaceted and wears many masks. Hence, the main question arises: why next to me someone begins to show his worst, not his best qualities?

Is it possible that it is because we ourselves are not showing ourselves from the most positive side and try to label others? In fact, toxicity is one of pain and fear masking. In other words, it’s a common self-defense.

What’s the point?

If you want to properly and qualitatively communicate with toxic people, think about the reasons for their behavior before scolding and insulting in the depths of your soul. The person standing next to you is probably not that bad, but due to certain circumstances they are forced to show themselves in such an ugly light.

It is always easier to see the bad in the people around us than the good. But if our attitude is reduced to looking for faults, this behavior proves that we ourselves can not boast important qualities of soul: compassion, mercy, kindness and willingness to help.

The ability to detect toxicity in people can only be detected by negative personalities, who find it much easier to assign psychological labels to others. If you see others as “bad,” even if deep down, you are probably yourself essentially an “energy vampire.”

Only a toxic person can see a toxic person. This is why bright and positive people in their entire lives may never once encounter those who cause psychological discomfort in others.

How do you measure your level of toxicity?

Use the following technique. Take a piece of paper and make a list of 10 names of people who, in your opinion, are the most toxic. You can include anyone: your mom, your boss, your downstairs neighbor, and so on.

Now rate the toxicity of each of these people on a 10-point scale, writing the assigned number next to the name. Next, calculate the arithmetic mean. The resulting number will be your personal toxicity level.

If you constantly find extremely harmful people in your environment, admit to yourself that you yourself are not the most white and fluffy. Do you think you’re not? Then why do you tend to see only the bad in those around you, refusing to dig deeper and learn to look for the good?

The truth, which no one wants to look into, is that everyone creates their own similar environment. If you’re convinced you’re caught in the middle of a toxic crowd, you probably are for a reason.

Once you recognize this simple but very uncomfortable fact, you can start working to remedy the situation. For example, learning to see the good in people, to give up labels and negativity. It’s hard to believe, but trivial work on your personal outlook can change a lot of things and bring you non-toxic and very positive people.

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