A psychologist tells us what toxic masculinity is and why it’s dangerous

psychologist

“It is commonly believed that women suffer most often from gender prejudice, but this is not entirely true. Men also have a hard time because of the standards imposed by society, because often stereotypical behavior, which is expected of them, interferes with normal life. Let’s look at the dangers of the well-known belief that “boys don’t cry” and how it harms the stronger sex in real situations.”

On toxic masculinity

The problem that has arisen, in which men are expected to behave in a certain way, should be viewed through the prism of such a concept as masculinity. This term refers to a set of abstract characteristics responsible for the gender of the stronger sex.

Masculinity can be not only external (style in clothes, haircut), but also dictate the rules of behavior. We are used to considering a man in terms of strength, aggressiveness, lack of emotions.

If we talk about the image that has developed in Russia, most people see the following qualities as the main features of the strong sex: strict self-control, disregard for the display of emotions, self-sacrifice, patriotism.

Thus, all these moments, which can be regarded as weaknesses, on the background of the portrait is considered absolutely inappropriate, including tears and other manifestations of feelings.

What is healthy masculinity?

Before thinking in conventional clichés, it is worth noting that there are two types of masculinity: healthy and toxic. In the first case, we are talking about positive and logical theses (courage, vigor, positive attitude towards women). In the second case, we’re talking about negative rules that, if not followed, can easily lead to the status of a “weakling”.

And if healthy masculinity implies restraint and self-confidence, toxic masculinity categorically declares: a man cannot cry and show feelings! As a result, the second notion is rather negative because it is based on negative undertones.

Where do the legs of toxic masculinity grow from?

Strict rules appeared in society a long time ago, since the time when the woman was assigned the role of the keeper of the hearth, and the man – the prey. Then representatives of the stronger sex were seen as physically developed, enduring, aggressive, without giving any importance to emotional intelligence.

Nowadays, society has changed and so have the roles of each man and woman. The categorical patriarchy has already moved aside and no longer works the way it used to.

Misguided attitudes come from childhood, when moms (and often dads too) raise boys according to the principle “men don’t cry”. This is what the first manipulation of the child looks like, which will be further fueled by the media, movies, games and other authorities in society.

What are the dangers of toxic masculinity?

Trying to fit into a given image, a man can earn a lot of money, become a punchy, show the right qualities in character, but not feel happy. Trying his best to look like a “real man”, he will always be focused on confirming his gender.

Not only is this approach, including the prohibition to show emotions, harmful to a man’s mental balance, it can even threaten a woman, because toxic masculinity obliges him to be aggressive with her too.

The most common consequence of imposing certain rules of the game is the moment associated with advertising a man as an indefatigable male with a constant desire for sexual relations. Because of this, many members of the stronger sex feel inferior because they don’t conform to the set pattern.

Also, toxic ideas about the real man prevent them from realizing themselves in careers that are considered feminine: modeling, design. In the end, it becomes obvious that the principle “boys don’t cry” works against men, preventing them from finding their place in the world.