How to put your boss in his place: instructions from a business psychologist and 5 clever phrases-ready phrases

Being able to communicate with your superiors is an indispensable and important skill for your career. It allows you to avoid conflicts, facilitates communication and reduces stress levels.

But there are times when the boss behaves inappropriately and it is impossible to establish a constructive dialog. The boss shouts, allows himself to say offensive phrases to employees, in every possible way tries to show a dominant role.

What is the reason for this behavior? How to repel the attack and get out of the conflict with dignity? We understand the complex relationship “boss – subordinate”.

business and clinical psychologist

“Not every team can boast a successful strategy of interaction between management and employees. Quite often there is a situation when the boss behaves aggressively and does not show respect for the team. The result is a decrease in labor efficiency and interpersonal problems. But all this can be avoided if you try to establish communication and find compromises”.

Poor relations with superiors first of all hit the subordinates. Because of the constant pressure, employees are reluctant to do the work assigned to them. They are motivated neither by salary, nor by the size and scope of the project, nor even by the prospect of career growth.

A toxic boss literally presses morally, and employees are in an exhausted state, performing their duties in a shoddy manner. Negativity builds up. There are thoughts of quitting. But is this the way out? Who can guarantee that the new place will not be even worse? If you don’t learn to find a way out of the situation and put the boss in his place, you risk constantly returning to the same situation.

Before you act in haste, practice the skill of building relationships in the here and now. This will definitely come in handy in your new position, and maybe you’ll be able to create a more comfortable environment for yourself in your current company. Where should you start? Try to understand the line of behavior of the boss.

Reasons for aggressive behavior of the manager

There are many motives for the inappropriate attitude of the boss to his subordinates. From personal hidden reasons to quite justified, where sometimes the employee himself is to blame.

1. Unprofessionalism of subordinates

A manager is a person who leads a company to growth and creates all conditions for it. The main tool for him are people who fulfill the goals and objectives. Therefore, the manager will not keep “just a good person” at work. It is unprofessional. The efficiency and effectiveness of the employee are important to him.

Not always straightforward statements and emotionally colored phrases serve as a manifestation of aggression and rudeness on the part of the boss. Perhaps these are mistakes on your part. Here it is worthwhile to assess the situation comprehensively and separate constructive criticism from unfounded claims.

2. The desire to be the first

Sharp statements, the desire to burden your subordinates with overtime work, unjustified aggression can be the cause of unrealized thirst to be a leader. People with such ambitions do not try to delve into the problems of the team, to find an approach to employees. It is important for them to show their dominant place. Such bosses in conversation always press authority and try to infringe on the rights of subordinates.

3. personal dislike

A manager is a living person with his own weaknesses and internal problems. He may have different views on some events. Temperament and speed of task completion also sometimes differ between supervisor and subordinate. All these factors sometimes become the cause of tension. Often they prevail over the assessment of professional qualities.

In this case, the employee may be subjected to pressure from the boss. He will receive more remarks, claims, subjective evaluations from the manager.

4. Problems of personal nature

It would be great to leave all your troubles and problems outside the work process. However, the boss, just like his subordinates, has weaknesses and vulnerabilities. At home, he also has a family, relatives, with whom he can be difficult. Not all managers can leave aside thoughts of unresolved problems. Hence breakdowns, nervousness and rude remarks to employees.

How to build a dialog with the manager?

Before an important conversation with the boss, it is necessary to analyze why the contact initially failed. In addition to personal animosity, the situation may be influenced by: differences in approaches to the presentation of problems (the boss is more comfortable verbally, and the employee – in writing), control, distrust at all stages of work and others.

It is also worth paying attention to how other colleagues are doing in communicating with their supervisor. Do all of them have difficulties or only you? It is useful to find out if someone was in a similar situation and managed to come out of it victorious.

The data collected should be the beginning of smoothing out the conflict and establishing a working relationship. If attempts are futile, it’s time to prepare for a face-to-face conversation.

Stages of preparation for a conversation with the boss

1. Try to understand the manager

First of all, try to find qualities in the boss for which he can be respected. Evaluate professionalism, purposefulness, pedantry, punctuality. Note the fact that he knows the nuances of the work of each employee.

The next step is important to realize that the head just like you, can be subject to emotions due to ill health, mood swings.

In a healthy situation, the boss wants the links of the organization to work coherently and create a solid mechanism. But this is not always the case, so a frank conversation with the boss can become a new stage of development. And not only for the employee, but for the entire company.

2- Evaluate your strengths and weaknesses

When the decision is made to try to change the situation, it is also useful to start with yourself. To do this, you can write out your strengths and weaknesses on paper. Disadvantages to work through, merits to keep in mind to rely on them in difficult situations. In general, by the age of 30, a person – a formed personality, and will be much more effective to rely on their strengths than trying to pump weaknesses.

3- Point out the boss’s shortcomings

Before the “X” moment, it’s important to get feedback from the boss himself. No one but him or her will give a truthful answer. Of course, it’s hard to get to the right moment and ask, “What am I doing wrong? What can be fixed?”. However, it is necessary to do so. It is important to listen carefully and understand the answer.

When the storm of indignation settles down, it is not unreasonable to think: “And maybe I really once showed myself from such a side?”

So, your own shortcomings are written down and analyzed. It’s time to start to the chief’s blunders and write them down in business form. In some ways, this process resembles a trial. It will be won by the one who has neatly and logically collected materials and a better defense system.

4. Adhere to certain tactics in communication

It will be able to emphasize your favorable sides. Do not color everything negative. Only mention recent events. Moments from five years ago should not be mentioned in the conversation. Prepare options for solving the problem.

The right argumentation can shake the manager in the first minutes. Do not be afraid of this. If the arguments seem logical and reasoned, he will not go looking for a new employee.

5. Choose the right format, place and time for the conversation

When resolving conflict, it is important to speak when it is appropriate. In order to speak up quickly, many people fly into the boss’s office and express their dissatisfaction on emotion. Not a good option, to put it mildly.

The idea that the head is busy and does not think around the clock about you, it is difficult to accept, especially if the conflict is in a hot phase. To have a successful conversation, you need to agree on the time of the meeting. Otherwise, it will turn out that you pulled the manager out of the work process. In such a situation, instead of a step forward, you will get an additional wave of negativity in your direction.

Choosing a place and time for the conversation requires no less preparation than gathering information. If the department is in an emergency, everyone is on edge or the boss is going through a personal drama, it is worth waiting.

If the microclimate is calm, it is important to decide whether it will be a conversation in the morning, at lunch or after work. In the office of the head, in the “intercom” or, for example, in a cafe nearby. In any case, it is not unreasonable to warn the boss about the initiative in a positive way and ask when and where it is convenient for him.

How to build a conversation?

When the moment of dialog comes, the main thing is to remain calm – confidence disposes. A respectful form of communication should be broadcast from beginning to end.

The description of the essence of the problem may cause a defensive reaction in the manager. It is impossible to get angry, raise your voice and interrupt. After your interlocutor speaks out, launch prepared arguments and stick to a certain set of phrases.

5 phrases that will make you a winner

If you feel that your boss is raising the tone of the conversation and starts to get angry, these constructions will help to stop aggression.

1. “I can see that you are agitated right now. Let’s discuss this issue later, when we’re both in a rational frame of mind, and turn off our emotions.”

2. “When I get yelled at, I can’t work and become distracted.”

3. “If you wish, we can go to higher supervisors to have them objectively evaluate my and your positions.”

4. “Every claim must be substantiated. Yes, I made a mistake, but it was quickly remedied in another way.”

5. “Rudeness does not add to attractiveness. Not even to a professional like you.”

Should you quit after a difficult conversation?

In dealing with a problem, the conversation always reaches a peak level. This is the point of no return: either the labor union continues or it ends.

An indignant or perplexed boss is in a difficult position, as he realizes that he will need to reconsider the course of habitual actions. How is this to be done? Does he even want to think about it?

It’s important to realize that most managers are constantly being challenged to automate processes or train their team to meet business goals. It will be easier to build a dialog by showing how you can help him realize them. No one thinks about your difficulties, financial situation or family problems. It is important for the manager to solve the company’s problems, not to get into the employee’s situation.

A plan of action with several options in advance will always be helpful. For example, if one of your proposed solutions doesn’t convince the manager, you can use fallback arguments. That is, the more options put forward, the more likely it will be the prospect of resolving the issue in your favor. To get a complete refusal from the manager in this case is unlikely.

For a better presentation of options for a solution is worth printing graphs, tables and other visual materials. Any manager likes statistical data. Especially growth figures and visual presentations of projects.

Compromise is also important. The boss can also express his suggestions and wishes. When you have reached an agreement, you can move on to a discussion of control over its implementation. Both parties must stick to the plan.

The constructive conclusion of a business meeting is halfway there. The next difficult stage lies ahead – maintaining the relationship on a professional level. The boss’s reaction to what is going on can be negative, positive or constantly changing.

In any case, for the employee, a carefully prepared conversation with the boss is a tremendous experience that will definitely come in handy in the future. If the attempt turned out to be futile, then the career in this company is over and there is nothing to regret. You have tried, which means that you are leaving for a new place with a baggage of knowledge that you will be able to apply.