Why do people complain to you about their ailments? A psychologist has given 4 reasons and a way to wean them off it

clinical psychologist, business mentor for women

There are some people who love to talk about their ailments. They gladly complain about the pain in their joints, back, head and the whole body, causing the interlocutor first pity and then the desire to run away. I will tell you about the reasons that make a person cherish their illnesses.

Trying to find support and understanding

The habit of ranting about his illnesses can appear if a person has seen a similar example on the part of significant adults.

For example, his parents or close relatives used to talk for hours about what hurts/breaks/cuts one has. Talking about ailments in such an environment always received the right support and turned into a basis for communication. The child absorbed this pattern of behavior, not knowing that it was possible to do things differently.

Need for love

Very often in childhood, a child faces such a paradox: parents are always busy and pay attention to him only if he is sick. And after all, a little person needs love so much. Therefore, unconsciously he begins to provoke various diseases.

Such are also called hypochondriacs: they do not get out of sick leave, bathing in the care of colleagues and loved ones. About their illnesses they just love to tell, lovingly describing each symptom.

In this case, it is very important to realize the problem and learn other ways to produce love and attention to their person. Not through illness and complaints, but through ecological “win-win” communication, which implies mutual respect.

Flexible boundaries

This reason concerns no longer the “sufferer” himself, but his interlocutor. Perhaps the person is too soft to interrupt an uninteresting, inappropriate conversation.

This type of people for “eternally ill” – free ears in which you can pour stories about their problems. They are magnetically attracted to complainers.

The position of the victim

It is very convenient to stay in it adults who are actually in a childish position. It’s not their fault that the report isn’t ready on time, it’s the runny nose. It is not because of them the door in the hallway hangs on one bolt: how can they with such a hernia to cope with household chores!

Roszki about illnesses act without fail and become a great loophole to get another day off or relieve themselves of household chores.

How to stop complaining about illnesses

If you want to stop letting everyone in on the details of your health (and finally become a desirable companion), you should start with secondary benefits.

Try to figure out what your needs are that you’re covering up by talking about illnesses. Maybe you lack love and attention, or maybe this is how you want to get some perks at work or at home. After that, try to find ways to get it all in a more environmentally friendly way.

If, when talking about your ailments, you want to get some helpful recommendations from other people, you don’t need to go into detail. Ask specific questions: “Can you please share a doctor’s contact?” or “Have you encountered a similar situation?”

This will be sufficient. Then you can continue the conversation on detached topics.

What to do if people complain to you about their illnesses

If you regularly find yourself in situations where you are now and then devoted to the medical details of someone else’s life, then you need to learn how to correctly interrupt such conversations. For example, you can use “I-language”.

You can say the following: “I can see that you are not feeling well. But when you start telling me details, I feel bad myself”. In this case, the person you are talking to will feel uncomfortable and will not continue the conversation.