Is it always necessary to be kind? A psychologist told how to work with aggression in the right way

analytical psychologist, psychosomatotherapist, coach

Kindness, compassion and mercy are worthy qualities that every person would like to possess. However, their manifestation is not always the optimal strategy of behavior, and sometimes the manifestation of aggression is not just justified, but necessary.

The most important thing here is to learn to recognize situations in which kindness can be interpreted as weakness. It is in this case that decisive (and possibly destructive) actions become necessary.

First of all, aggression is justified in the case of self-defense or protection of loved ones. If a person feels a threat to life or health, he needs to stand up for himself.

Unfortunately, different situations can happen in our life. Often – quite unpleasant. For example, an attack, a threat of physical violence or psychological terror. In such cases, the use of aggressive means of defense is a normal reaction to danger. The only condition is to control the measures taken to repel the attack.

At the same time, the manifestation of aggression from selfish motives – thirst for enrichment, power, revenge, etc.. – will never be justified. Let’s look at some of the mechanisms that cause such behavior. This will allow us to understand how to identify its unjustified manifestations.

Causes and methods of working through

First, aggression often arises from a feeling of threat, injustice or a sense of helplessness. Our body urgently tries to take all measures to protect itself, and raises the level of testosterone in the blood. With an excess of this hormone, a person becomes more irritable and irritable.

It is important to learn to adequately assess situations and not to see a threat where there is none. You also need to believe in your own strength and ability to constructively solve problems.

Secondly, stress and negative emotions, which cause our defense reaction, are harmful to our health if they are experienced constantly and for small things. The body thinks it is permanently in danger and signals the brain to keep on the defensive.

Meanwhile, short-term “outbursts” of aggression, even destructive, the body tolerates more calmly. The main thing is that they were not too frequent and intense.

Be indulgent to the mistakes and shortcomings of others. Remember that no one is perfect and it is easier to accept people as they are. This will help you become a more empathic person.

Thirdly, the level of aggression is associated not only with the hormonal background, but also with the features of the nervous system, upbringing, social experience. Therefore, with desire and conscious effort, it can be controlled.

To do this, you need to learn to recognize provoking factors, relieve tension with safe methods, distract yourself from irritants.

There are many ways to “let off steam” without resorting to aggression. These include exercise/sports, meditation/breathing practices, and hobbies. Find what works for you.

It is important to remember that you should first of all be responsive and understanding to people close to you: family, friends, colleagues.

Sincere kindness helps to strengthen emotional ties between people, reduce the level of stress and negative emotions in others. A positive attitude toward strangers creates a positive attitude and makes a person happier.

The combination of kindness and aggression is a delicate balance, which everyone should work through independently, based on the specific situation and their own moral foundations. The main thing to remember is that any manifestation of violence should be justified, purposeful and minimal in scale. Goodness must remain our ultimate goal.