What kind of mental problems does the tendency to cheat on small things indicate? 6 possible causes

Yesterday, I forgot to call my family and referred to being busy, which I wasn’t. Today I was late for work and made up a story about the unexpected events of the morning. And tomorrow I’ll have to make up something for the coach to somehow justify the hamburger I’m eating right now.

Every day we lie to ourselves and others. When we make mistakes, we do not want to admit it frankly, but make up ridiculous reasons and excuses. Only not to recognize the mistake!

Psychologists are trying to understand in what situations and why people lie. The results of some studies have shown that much depends on upbringing, gender, circumstances, etc. But there are other factors that shape the perception of reality, in which a small lie is simply not considered something shameful.

business and clinical psychologist

Responding to the usual, “How are you?”, many people modestly answer that everything is fine, hiding the truth. Would this be considered lying? The question is rhetorical. Sometimes people pretend that everything is fine in order to be “normal”, not to be different from others. Thus, a person lies to themselves as well, believing that the truth is sometimes inappropriate, it’s hard to tell the truth all the time. But is it really so?

We can distinguish several reasons why sometimes people want to lie about small things:

1. low self-esteem;
2. childhood trauma;
3. the need to appear better and more successful;
4. unwillingness to admit their mistakes and failures;
5. fear of being different from others;
6. avoidance of conflict.

Let’s look at each point in detail to delve into the causes of the behaviors that all of this leads to.

1. “Accept me, I’m scared.”

A person may lie out of fear of being misunderstood, unaccepted. The roots of the problem lie in low self-esteem. Embellishing, a person tries to appear better than he is. He puts on a mask. He distorts the facts so that others take him for their own, did not see something strange, bad, repulsive. The truth seems ridiculous and dangerous to such people. They justify themselves by saying socially approved things.

2. “Not saying it doesn’t mean you lied.”

Totalitarian and controlling parents often produce children who are able to mimic circumstances. When a child feels that the truth can harm him (deprive him of his favorite toy, get a slap), he tries his best to hide it. As a result, the child learns to wiggle, to understate.

3. “Escape from Harsh Reality”

If a person is faced with an unpleasant reality, the defense mechanism can play a cruel joke on him. He shuts himself off from the truth, doesn’t want to accept it, and makes up his own, more pleasant one. This is often done by children, but some adults continue to use this pattern of behavior.

For example, a child has realized that his parents are poor. He does not like this fact. He begins to compose a legend of high status and wealth, just to avoid facing the harsh reality.

Escape from reality – one of the most dangerous types of lies, because it poisons life. A person enjoys sinking deeper and deeper into his illusions, forgetting about reality.

4. “What will people think of me?”

Sometimes lie in order not to be rejected, not to fall in the eyes of others. A person is afraid to tell the truth because, in his opinion, it is terrible. He cares about the opinion of others, and he begins to lie, attributing nonexistent merits to himself or denying his failures.

Retouching photos through Photoshop or filters is one obvious example of this behavior. People want to appear prettier than they really are, younger, slimmer, more spectacular. But this is also a lie, even if for most subscribers it will never be revealed.

5. “And who needs this honesty?”

Many people are not sure that the truth brings the fruits they need. In addition, not everyone knows how to take the “cold” sobering truth. That is why a person learns to resort to tricks and manipulation.

6. “I want to be good.”

Everyone has encountered a situation in which he was asked for something. For example, a friend asked you to inquire at her job about a manager vacancy. You sincerely wanted to help, but you forgot. You don’t have the guts to admit your mistake. Here a person is driven by both shame for negligence and an attempt to appear good.

My advice for this situation – it is better to honestly confess in forgetfulness and promise to correct.

Admitting the truth is much better than hiding from it behind “rose-colored glasses.” There is no saving lie. A person will only find peace for a while. It is better to assess what is happening with a sober eye and discard all illusions. This will prevent the occurrence of terrible consequences created by even small lies.