How to achieve your goals when your family is incessantly demanding attention

Rare lucky people easily combine a happy family life and a career. For the rest of us, it is a real challenge. Where to find motivation, strength and time to achieve goals when the family constantly demands attention?

founder of the International Academy of Business Coaching 2WIN, author of the methodology “Integral Influence”.

The idea that one should necessarily devote the same amount of time to work and family seems dangerous to me. Happy businesswomen who develop business, raise children, take care of their husbands and don’t forget about themselves is most often a myth that creates an inferiority complex in normal women. It is not the fact that for happiness you need to evenly distribute time and energy to all areas of life. The balance is not in this at all.

Define your priorities

It is necessary to understand what is more important for a person, and depending on this, build your life. It often happens that the most important things get the lowest priority. This leads to imbalance. How do you know what you really prioritize? Very simple. Look at what you spend more time on. If most of your day is spent on professional tasks, then you prioritize work. And if most of your time is spent communicating with your loved ones, your family is your priority.

You can talk endlessly about how your family comes first, but if you spend most of your time on your business, then work and what it brings is your key priority. I know this approach can be judgmental. Someone will say, “I work all the time, I don’t see my family, but only so that my children don’t need anything. So, the well-being of my family is the most important thing for me”.

We have to admit: if most of our life is devoted to work, it turns out that it is the work that is prioritized. This is neither good nor bad, it’s just the way you choose to live your life.

A person who wants to spend time with his children all the time, but at the same time forces himself to work, is unhappy. A person who wants to develop but feels obliged to devote every day to his family is not very happy with his life either. You need to be honest with yourself: then there will be a balance that corresponds to your inner desires and needs.

So, if you have a family, it will, of course, demand attention. This is normal. However, if your goals go beyond your family and require your strength and energy to remain stable and feel confident, you need to agree with your family members and, most importantly, with yourself about priorities. So that there are no unreasonable expectations and your family becomes a support rather than a limiter.

Family as motivation for career

Support from family members can often be the basis for career growth, inspire new accomplishments and help to solve complex tasks.

How strong the support will be depends on what kind of life partner you have chosen and what kind of life partner you are. A partner in a family is someone who accepts the other not as a set of functions that a wife or husband should have, but as a person with whom the present and future are created together.

Partnership is fostered by having common goals, trust, listening and hearing. The golden rule states “Treat others as you would like to be treated”, the platinum rule “Treat others as they would like to be treated”. For a partnership, it is essential that you understand how your partner expects to be treated. And, very importantly, communicate your wishes to your partner.

It is important to be prepared that the process of getting to know each other and partner attunement can take years. Demonstrate that this is important to you, then you are more likely to get what you want.

How to allocate time for family and leisure

It’s important to realize that there is no one right solution to how to properly allocate time for family and personal and professional development. Everyone has different priorities and needs. Only the person himself knows what his ideal schedule should be. Despite this, there are a few rules that are suitable for everyone.

Plan a vacation in advance

This time can be spent with your family or devoted to your hobby. The main thing is to plan when and how to spend free time, earlier than the list of work tasks. Otherwise, the whole day will be taken up by work, which, as we know, never ends.

Take time for yourself

While investing in family happiness and work, you can’t forget about yourself. There should always be time in the schedule dedicated to what is important to you personally. For someone it will be professional development: attending courses, reading specialized literature, and even tasks that you did not have time to perform during the working day. For others – hobbies, socializing with loved ones, spa treatments.

What to do if the family is offended by the lack of attention

It’s normal that our loved ones demand attention – they love us and want to spend more time together. But then why do they get resentful?

Resentment is about unrealized expectations. Most likely, family members assumed that your life would go one way, but in reality it turned out differently, and it is difficult for them to justify this state of affairs.

Realizing this, you can fix the relationship. The main thing that you can do for this is to agree as clearly as possible how your life will be organized, and strictly fulfill their promises. For example, when you will work and when you will spend time with your family. If you fail to fulfill a promise, admit it and note that you are trying to pay more attention to your family.

Often, loved ones can be resentful because they feel unwanted and left out. Even if for some reason work is a priority for you right now, you need to show that family members are important to you too. Tell your family what they will gain by temporarily losing your attention. Explain that you are working to make more time for them and make things easier for them. For example, if you’re building a career and your partner has to handle all the household tasks, provide enough income to relieve household issues and give the other family member something important to do.

Read more about effective planning at the link below.

Where to draw strength to combine family and personal goals

This is a very important question. It often happened that in the time I planned to spend with my loved ones, I had to solve work tasks. It so happened that even on the night after the birth of my child I had to work: I had to urgently finish an important project. But, strangely enough, I did not feel negative emotions. Because I knew what I was doing it for.

At times when things are difficult and too much is piling up, I ask myself: “Whose choice is this?” The answer is always the same: “Mine. This is my path. I know what I’m doing it for.” It’s that question that always helps me take back responsibility, find my strength, and keep going with my business.

When trying to combine family and career, you should not be guided by clichés: “For a woman, the most important thing is family” or “A man’s first priority should be work”. You need to be honest with yourself. Choose what your soul lies to, do what is really interesting. Then the goals will be achieved more easily, more effectively and, of course, with great pleasure.

And if achievement is not for you, pay attention to these simple things that will make you a little happier.