How to learn how to properly reflect and talk to yourself

Albina Publishers has published a book by Tatyana Stepanenko, “Useful Self-Reflection: A Practice Book for a Sincere Conversation with Yourself”. Inside are simple tips and specific tasks for working with your “I”. Let’s share an excerpt and work out with the author how to reflect properly.

author of the popular blog @selfreflexia

Self-reflection is a sincere conversation with oneself, searching for answers to the questions that concern us: “Who am I?”, “What do I feel?”, “What would I like?”.
For a comfortable life it is important for a person to answer these questions.

There is no one right way to reflect. You can do it the way you feel comfortable. With a paper journal, in a word processor on your computer, or in your phone’s notes. Mentally, while taking a walk on your day off or on your way to work. However, there are five basic rules that will make the process comfortable and fruitful.

I find it easier to think with a pencil in my hand. In this way thoughts are not lost, and from scraps, separate words and phrases turn into paragraphs. I can think and draw conclusions. It’s only since I started reasoning in writing that changes in my life have begun.

Share the process with a professional

Sometimes we tend to blame ourselves unnecessarily, painfully, for everything, to look only to ourselves for failure, or to reopen old wounds over and over again. This kind of destructive reflection can be practiced endlessly, but it will do no good. If necessary, work on your own traumas should be shared with a specialist – a psychologist or psychotherapist.

I am convinced that in the psychologist’s office we get only a part of new experience and knowledge of ourselves. The main work on ourselves is “in the field”, in everyday life. Self-reflection cannot be completely transferred to a psychologist, nothing will work without your participation.

Be patient

Reflexion can be compared to putting the house in order, in which you grew up. At first it will be difficult and scary. At some point you will even think that it is hopeless and it would be better to move to a new, clean place. But once you see the result – everything is in order, everything is shining – you will start to love your home as it is.
even if it’s not yet a Bali villa.

We wrote about what issues are interfering with your life earlier.

Don’t overreact

In order for reflection to be constructive, psychologists advise asking more often the questions “What am I doing, feeling right now?” and “How am I doing this?” rather than “Why is this happening?”. I would also add the advice about moderation. Recognizing the causes and effects of what is happening is important and necessary. But for real change, sometimes it’s worth it to stop reflection on a positive note and move into action.

Summarize interim results

You could call them new principles that will help you in life. For example, maybe you decide now that you need to treat yourself with more care. To keep this decision in mind, write it down on your list of “relationship with yourself” principles. These principles may adjust later, but it’s important to track these changes in the process.

We wrote about how to have proper alone time with yourself in our piece.

Write your story

From the advice sags bookshelves and vibrates social networks. But someone’s ready-made recipe will not always work for you. That’s because it works subjectively, relying heavily on the author’s individual experience. Self-reflection is a deeply individual process. You are unique, your life is unique.

Even if you know yourself perfectly well, it is useful to check your watch and answer a few important questions about who you really are. One thing is certain: you are the protagonist of your life. Or the protagonist.