How to stop putting everything off and live here and now? Answered by a psychologist

People often put off true desires for later, justifying themselves with phrases like “buy new clothes when I lose weight” or “pay off the loan and go abroad”. Psychologists call it the postponed life syndrome. Let’s find out what its peculiarities are and how to behave in situations of constant life planning.

psychologist, psychotherapist-practitioner

A person with postponed life syndrome does not experience painful disappointment in himself. He lives with the expectation of a better future, and that is enough for him.

The deferred life syndrome has been studied not only in Russia. Students at the University of Alaska Anchorage also conducted their own research.

Olga is sure: the problem of people with this syndrome is their inability to take responsibility and make independent decisions. The benefit for them is that they don’t have to go through trials, make efforts on themselves, develop willpower and learn new things.

In order to take action, people with delayed life syndrome constantly lack something to accomplish a goal. For example, they can only get into a relationship if they lose those extra pounds. Or need to quit their job to become happier. The scenarios may vary, but they are always tied to the future, but not to the present.

Putting things off until better times or saving money for a rainy day is also considered an important sign of the syndrome. This was influenced by the older generation, traumatized by scarcity and perestroika. For years people kept bed linens, crystal sets and carpets until a special occasion, which often never came. Children who followed this example carried such habits into their own lives. And this can lead to stagnation in relationships and careers.

When does the syndrome become a serious problem?

In some cases, it can develop into a “neurosis of postponed life”. Let’s say a person has not realized his plans for years and waited for something special to come.

Olga: at one point he realizes that he can no longer overcome the strengthened attitudes and formed way of thinking, and to implement the desired is almost impossible. The pain due to lost time leads to mental and physical health disorders.

Now very many people live with the neurotic syndrome of delayed life. This is a protective reaction to the outside world – a person is at a loss, does not know the limits of his resources and is afraid of mistakes.

How to solve the problem?

You can work through it yourself or with a specialist. If you choose the first option, you should learn how to set goals and plan their achievement. Break the global into small tasks and fulfill them step by step. It is important for people with this syndrome to notice even the smallest of their successes (for this you can keep a diary), so take seriously any of your results.

It is necessary to cultivate gratitude to yourself and to others for those achievements that you have already made. First, identify your strengths and weaknesses. A person with delayed life syndrome usually has very low self-esteem. He doesn’t believe he can accomplish anything. And getting to know yourself will allow you to understand your true desires, as well as learn to thank and respect yourself.