The phrase “everything will be fine” doesn’t always work for everyone. How do you replace it?

To be honest, this phrase never works, except when it is uttered by a person on whom the outcome of the situation fully depends. It is understandable that if a loved one feels bad or anxious, you want to help him or her and ease his or her condition. But it should be done competently.

Marina Mayorova

Candidate of Philosophy, Gestalt therapist

Tells in what situations you can use this phrase and what result to expect.

How to correctly provide support

A person’s condition is a projection of three components:

1. What he thinks about it and what thoughts fill his mind.
2. How he feels, what emotions he feels in the situation and what state he is in.
3. How he feels physically. A person can be full of strength and energy, or he can be sick or weakened, and this will affect his condition and ability to act.

From this, we can predict how we can support the person. Here are the possible outcomes:

1. If the person thinks the situation is hopeless and has no intellectual solution, it is pointless to tell him that everything will be fine. He realizes without you that it won’t, and your words sound implausible and irritating.

How to help? Ask the right questions, help him to realize what he can do or who to turn to, who to involve to change the situation. Concretize a set of actions until there is a plan or at least an understanding of the first steps that can be taken today to move toward a solution. The best result of this dialog is an understanding of what can be done for a positive outcome of the situation and a willingness to move in that direction.

Read about ways to cope with depression here.

2. There are situations when a person is in a destructive emotional state, bordering on apathy – loss of interest in life. In this state, there is simply no desire to do anything. This may be the result of psychological shock, significant loss, psychological trauma, separation or something else.

How to help? It is important to help the person work through the emotions they are experiencing, but do so safely. Ask open-ended questions, help him or her realize how he or she feels, what he or she is afraid of, or how he or she can work through the pain. There are several stages of grieving: denial, or isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance or humility.

The best support is to help one live through these stages, accepting what has happened and wanting to move on. It is important to realize that only after living through all the stages can a person get out of a destructive emotional state on their own or with someone else’s help.

3. If a person is physically healthy, but just doesn’t have the energy and desire to move, the best thing you can do for them is to send them to the gym or engage in an activity that will make their body get off the couch and let go of the phone or remote control. Sports and physical activity is a great way to boost vitality and get rid of inertia.

Couples workouts are never boring and give you the opportunity to spend time not only with pleasure, but also with benefit.

How to help? Body and mind are elements of the same system, and if physically you are full of strength, there is a place to apply this resource. If a person suffers from a physical ailment, then words are not enough, and here you may need the qualified help of doctors.

It is pointless to create illusions with the phrase “everything will be fine”. It is better to help a person by your actions and participation in his life, if, of course, he is ready to let you into it and he really needs help.