Infantilism: what it is, where it comes from, signs of an infantile person and what to do with it

Many people have met people who behave immaturely. It seems to us that there is no problem, it is even funny… But psychologists are sure that this is not something to be trifled with. Moreover – it is worth seeking help from a specialist. Why? Infantilism is included in the International Classifier of Diseases (ICD-10) along with personality and behavioral disorders. Also on this list are: passive-aggressive, psychoneurotic and narcissistic disorders.

psychologist of the online platform Fringe.RF

There are two concepts: mental and psychological infantilism. Each of them has its own signs and features. Remember that any disease is diagnosed by a number of studies, which are prescribed only by a specialist. A person can not diagnose himself.

Inhaltsübersicht

Mental infantilism

Under this concept, a set of medical symptoms is meant. In other words, it is considered a pathology. When we talk about “infantile personality disorder”, we mean a painful state of the psyche that needs correction.

Here we are talking about a delay in the development of the frontal and other lobes of the brain. It is they who are responsible for behavior, programming, control of mental activity. If there are problems, then there is a retardation of the pace of emotional and personal formation.

In common usage, the term “infantilism” is used in most cases to describe the second concept – psychological infantilism. Unlike the first, this is no longer a pathology.

Psychological infantilism

This is a condition in which an adult retains the features of childhood. It’s about “big kids.” They are mature in appearance, but internally clearly immature. Such people are usually naive, selfish and do not want to take responsibility for their lives. Moreover, infantile needs constant attention and care from other people. He himself is not ready to make decisions. Further we will talk about this type of infantilism as a specific character of a person.

Signs of infantilism

To understand whether this behavior is peculiar to you or not, pay attention to the following symptoms:

1. Unwillingness to take responsibility for their own actions. That is, the refusal of obligations that seem burdensome. This can apply to both work and family circumstances.

2. Constant complaints about life. You tend to believe that “fate is a villain” and you are pursued by an “evil fate”.

3. running away from solving problems. Tendency to wait for someone else to do everything for you. Especially like to shift responsibility in important matters.

4. Inability to control your emotions. It is about uncontrolled tantrums, justifying your actions by feelings. You often use “I was driven to it”, “I was not myself”.

5. selfishness and egocentrism. Children are characterized by a special picture of the world, in which they are the center of everything. They also say “the whole world revolves around you”.

6. Impulsiveness in the fulfillment of their desires. Wanted – done. A person is not able to evaluate and analyze the consequences of their decisions, because they act under the influence of impulse.

7. Fear of the world and avoidant behavior. This is a special type of infantilism – social. The individual is unable to call on important issues in some organization, to draw up documents, to agree with someone on a deal, etc.

8. Offensiveness and belief in the justice of the world. Here we are talking about moralizing, frequent indignation about injustice and constant offenses. This sign of the personality’s detachment from reality speaks of a denial of reality and an unwillingness to see the truth.

9. Frequent use of childish words and expressions in communication. Teenage style of dress. Certainly, this is not an obvious sign. Remember that you should not rely solely on it. However, if the overall picture contains the above points, then the love for such paraphernalia can confirm the theory of an infantile personality.

Causes of the appearance of infantilism

All of us come from childhood. It is there that the formation of our personality originates. Including such a quality as infantilism. Why? This is a consequence of the peculiarities of upbringing and interaction in the parental family. What can be here?

1. Excessively strong parental protection in childhood. Hyperprotection is the most common cause of infantilism in adulthood. It happens when mom or dad was too anxious. It may be because the child is long-awaited and the only one or needs special care.

The strongest fear for life and health makes parents overreact and for the sake of their own peace of mind emotionally “invalidate” their child. This behavior non-verbally transmits the following thoughts: “The world is not safe”, “You can not cope on your own”, “You are weak and need constant care”.

As a result of such behavior – the absolute inability of a little person (and then an adult) to cope with life’s difficulties and stresses. Also unwillingness to grow and develop as a person, fear of responsibility.

2. Excessive and untimely responsibility placed on the child. Often, for various reasons, children have to grow up too early and abruptly. As they age, they continue to play the role of “little adults” without coping with life. For example, a seriously ill mom or dad who requires care. Another reason is people with addictions (children of alcoholics). In such a family, you need to start taking care of yourself very early. Since the parent cannot be relied on.

What is the condition of mom or dad? How to keep them safe? What to do for them? If a child starts asking such questions, then he automatically loses the support in the form of a reliable parental figure. He begins to take on responsibilities that are not his own. As a consequence, in the period of maturity, such a person gets tired of pulling this burden. In the future, the individual will try to compensate for the lost childhood carelessness.

3. Severe stress or clinical depression. Various events occur in life. Some of them may prove to be traumatic.

A person who is suddenly subjected to severe stress may not be able to cope with the situation. As a result – falls into “regression”. What’s that? A certain kind of psychological defense, when under the influence of overstrain in emotional development is a leap back.

Often such periods are short-lived. They pass as the personality experiences a difficult situation. But if the traumatic experience continues and is present on a regular basis, there is a great chance to fall into permanent regression.

What kind of parents have infantile children?

Counseling psychologist, current member of NABS, consultative member of OPPL

To look at the psychological aspects of infantilism, we first need to look at the family where the child was raised. There are usually several groups.

1. Children of single mothers. If a woman has failed in her personal life and has put a cross on it, what is important to her? To establish herself as a mother. She begins to surround her child with care, attention, love. She does it so diligently that the child has no chance to grow into a mature person.

2. Children from families who have lost a child. Such an event is a great tragedy for any person. It does not matter the age or the reasons (illnesses, accidents). It takes tremendous mental and physical strength to accept what has happened. In the future, they become afraid to experience this horror of loss once again.

3. Children from dysfunctional families. It is worth noting that we are talking not only about socially disadvantaged (parents suffer from alcohol, drug or other addictions), but also outwardly prosperous. What does it mean? When a child grows up with cold and unreceptive mom and dad. There is no warmth and affection in the home where he or she lives. Growing up, such a child decides to make up for lost time and becomes infantile.

How to get rid of infantilism?

The good news is that you can “grow up”. First of all, it is necessary to slowly solve the key problems. Which are?

1- Avoiding situations where you have to take responsibility. Try taking simple steps to get started. For example, grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment. If it’s a job, take a small area that you will be fully responsible for. Keep track to understand your feelings in case of success. In case of failure, try to find the real reasons why it happened.

2. Search for someone outside. Ask your loved ones not to help you, even if they really want to. They will be able to step in if you really get into a predicament and can’t handle it yourself. Before you habitually blame someone, take a break. Try to reconstruct the chain of events that led to the mistake. Evaluate your contribution there. Recognize that you could have done something better, or become involved sooner. Do it next time.

3. Retreat into a fantasy world or other reality. This will require monitoring the time you spend doing your favorite activity. If it’s gaming, try counting how many hours you spend in another “reality”. Divide the result by two for starters. Exactly how much you can now devote to this activity. What to do in the freed up time? Go for a walk, read, watch art movies, meet with friends and family.

4. Intemperance in emotions. Get yourself a small notebook and always carry it with you. If feelings overwhelm you, try to describe on paper everything that happens to you.

Psychological exercises

Clinical psychologist, counselor (University of Manchester)

Soviet psychologist Lev Vygotsky introduced such a concept as “zone of proximal development”. This is the harmonious development of a child, when gradually, with the support of an adult, he or she expands his or her skills and abilities more and more.

Then his confidence and ability to take responsibility for himself are strengthened. Otherwise, growing up, a person may broadcast helplessness, sending the message: “Look, I am weak, I can’t manage without you. He sees the world as dangerous and scares him so much that the person capitulates to this fear. How can the situation be remedied?

1. Work with thoughts and vision. When the wording appears in your head – “I can’t do it, ask yourself the question: “When have I ever succeeded and coped with something?”. Even if it’s small things. Remember them.

If it seems to you that there is too much to do and the burden is insurmountable, you should try to divide the process into small parts. Scary? Try doing even less. It’s important to have the courage to take the first step. And then – be sure to rejoice in the success. It is even better to celebrate it.

2. Work with feelings and blocking attitudes. For example, “Being an adult is scary” or “I will never be able to take responsibility”. Such beliefs need to be worked through in depth and look for alternative explanations.

You can reflect on the fact that the clear advantage of being an adult is having freedom. That responsibility is hard but satisfying. That fear is only scary at first, but then comes confidence and skills to deal with difficult situations.

3. Work with behavior. Going and doing despite fear and anxiety. This is what all adults do.

4. Work on becoming a parent to yourself. Be mom and dad to the “inner child.” Encourage it, take care of it, take responsibility for it.

Remember that sometimes it is very difficult to overcome this journey on your own. Especially if there are concomitant disorders, depressive or anxiety states, ADHD. In this case, medication support will be required. The help of a psychotherapist significantly accelerates progress.