Whether a child should be taught to fight back. His future depends on it

The main task of a conscious parent is to form a set of strategies that will help their child to survive and live a happy life. The ability to stand up for oneself and fight back is an important part of social interaction.

Why teach your child to stand up for himself?

Marina Mayorova

Ph.D. in Philosophy, Master of Neurolinguistic Programming, Gestalt therapist.

A child needs to learn how to fight back if he is offended. And here is why.

• By fighting back, he expresses his feelings. This is important because unexpressed feelings form internal inhibitions and lower the self-esteem of the child.
• Not yet able to reasonably communicate and build a dialog, giving back, the child eloquently communicates with his environment and those who offend him.

• The child realizes his or her strength and begins to understand the proportionality of attacking and fighting back. Sometimes it is enough to pull his hand away if they try to take something away, and sometimes it is necessary to use more force to make the opponent realize that it is not allowed to do so.

• Self-esteem is formed. A child who does not allow himself to offend in childhood, it is easier to build relationships as equals with people in older age.

• By fighting back against abusers, a child does not develop a victim syndrome, and therefore, in adulthood, it will be easier for him to make choices and refuse to do what he does not like, or to get out of toxic relationships in which he is unhappy.

Of course, the child needs to develop an understanding of how to behave in conflict and resolve contradictions, what to do with a flurry of emotions, what respect is and where its boundaries are.

How to teach a child to stand up for himself

When the child has learned to speak and express his thoughts and feelings, talk to him, read him instructive books, parables, invent situations yourself, analyzing which, the child will be able to draw something important for himself and understand how to act in different situations.

Variability forms plasticity of thinking and helps to choose the most appropriate strategy of behavior. Read about how to properly instill a habit in a child at the link below.

Alyona Arleanskaya

neuropsychologist, male psychologist, author of the scientific method “Subtle Touch”.

Raising a child is not such a simple thing. Nowadays it has become very fashionable to position that parents should be friends with children. But this is a misconception.

Parents have responsibilities to their children. These include teaching a still small human being how to survive in the system of life. If parents fail to teach rules, rights and responsibilities, then life will later rigidly show direction in collision with other children and adults.

Give freedom

If surly parents shield the child from any social situation, it will be impossible for him to learn how to contact with peers. From an early age, a person enters communication systems, where he learns not only cognitive skills, but also to realize the concept of personal boundaries.

Sooner or later there will come a moment when a child will find himself in a situation that is unaccustomed to him, aggressive or simply stressful. In order to learn anything, it is important to go through an independent path and bring out positive experiences.

Be an observer

Perhaps the first experience may not be at all rosy: did not share toys in the sandbox or met with an aggressive child, or maybe, on the contrary, too soft and prone to tearfulness. In any situation, parents themselves should show adequacy and do not get involved in the process of the sandbox, do not start to take away their toys, books and sort out the class, as if they themselves are a participant in the mess.

Your task is to remain an observer from the outside. Only in this way you can unobtrusively control and guide, thus protecting. The child always feels support and trusts mom and dad. It is best to show by personal example how to communicate and resolve any situations. Children are very observant and take everything at face value. If your words and actions diverge, the child will definitely take note and stop believing you.

Share information

The earlier parents explain to the child about the laws that apply to communication between people, the easier it will be for him to accept the fact that everything in the world is interconnected and it is necessary to reckon with the environment. The child will respect his own words and actions. And then he will learn the following skills:

• not to overstep the boundaries of what is allowed – to prevent conflict;

• to feel right, to stand confidently and not be afraid (never become a victim);

• if the conflict goes beyond the limits and becomes physically active, he will fight back (he will gain confidence in his abilities if words do not work, this is especially important for boys).

Assign roles

A great weight in solving all stressful social situations has a father. Only he can teach how to give the right change, if words are not enough – so as not to cause physical harm to anyone. He will explain in which cases it can be applied, and in which cases it is better to just run away.

And mom can teach patience and empathy. Such a quality will not allow the use of force against the weak. Only in this way you can bring up a mentally and physically healthy child, you can not exclude any of the ways to show yourself in a conflict.

And if you can not agree with your child, we recommend to pay attention to effective ways to resolve conflicts from a psychologist at the link below.