Who is the inner critic and how does it keep you from living your life: 4 Steps to Stop Self-Eating

“You can do better!”, “You’re not good enough”, “You’re not doing enough”, “You still have a lot of work to do”. These phrases, which a person often hears from authoritative mentors, nagging parents or simply envious people, have only one meaning – to undermine his self-confidence. Alas, sometimes similar words you hear from the closest person – yourself …

doctor, psychosomatologist, neuropsychologist

“Paradoxically, but often really ruthless and cruel critics we are really ruthless and cruel critics of ourselves. Why does this happen and what to do about it? Let’s get to the bottom of it.”

The inner critic – who is it?

To begin with, we would like to note that any phenomenon, event, state has two sides. Just as a negative can bring good, and a positive can bring harm. Criticism is an evaluative judgment, depending on many factors, presented either with a “minus” or with a “plus” sign. By nature, such a judgment can be of two kinds.

1. Constructive criticism. The necessary conditions are: your interest (you asked another person yourself), authority of opinion (you will hardly get a reliable answer from a person who does not know your business profile), politeness (any criticism should be expressed without negativity and insults), feedback (ideally you will be helped and told how not to repeat the mistake in the future).
2. Destructive criticism. It is not difficult to guess that here we have diametrically opposite conditions. For example, an anonymous person on social networks, without missing a single post, maliciously and with insults points out “your incompetence”.

Your inner critic is a voice in your head (like a “call of conscience”), which as an indicator determines what was done well and what was done badly. Its judgments can be personal, professional, creative. It decides whether you are attractive today or whether your living conditions are comfortable enough. In other words, if there is a reason, there will be criticism.

If we talk about internal criticism, it is also very important to take into account the nature of evaluative judgments. One thing – objectively realize that you could still gain experience or learn something, and the other – endlessly berate yourself for failures, while devaluing any achievements.

So, everything is more or less clear with constructive criticism towards oneself. It is conditioned by adequate self-esteem, healthy ambitions, the ability to look at the situation objectively with love and care for yourself and your work. But why sometimes there is an “executioner” inside, who cuts off the beginnings and hopes, the rudiments of success and prosperity, not giving the right to make a mistake?

How does the inner critic appear?

The inner critic is an acquired “pocket helper” that is always with you. He is at hand 24/7. Usually society helps to acquire such a “friend”: parents, relatives, acquaintances or in the case of media personalities – snide commentators. However, it should be noted that external conditions in this case are only a catalyst, not the main factor.

The main reason that the inner critic gives voice, lies in your condition. Of course, it happens that the ground for destructive self-criticism is prepared in early childhood by parents, through the prism of which we, being small, learn not only the world around us, but also ourselves (at that time a priori holistic internal state is not yet formed).

From this we can conclude that the inner critic appears when we have certain problems with self-value, or we have not yet managed to find it at all.

In any case, endless criticism and self-obsession is a signal that should never be ignored. It is rightly said, “Wherever you run, you always take yourself with you!”. Don’t turn a blind eye to your inner feelings or substitute concepts by convincing yourself that your nagging self is a tool for self-development.

If with your inner critic you became quite tight and difficult, then, believe me – the process of self-destruction is launched. Do you constantly feel negative thoughts and feelings: shame, guilt? You need to urgently enter into a constructive dialog with yourself.

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Work with the inner critic

Excessive self-criticism can and should be dealt with. The sooner you start working on it, the easier and simpler it will be for you. So where to start?

4 steps to deal with the critic

1- Realize that you are criticizing yourself in a destructive way. Telltale signs: very harsh, biased, unfounded. Recognizing the problem is part of solving it, because not accepting some fact literally “ties your hands and feet” and takes your focus away from something less significant.

2. Stop looking back at the past. When dealing with high levels of perfectionism and hyper-responsibility, psychologists recommend looking forward rather than backward: “What was, was, but today I am old enough and mature enough to move on.

Of course, you may have been deeply hurt or offended in the past. It’s sad if your parents failed to mold you into a holistic inner state. But how will endless blaming others and self-criticism help you? Does it make sense?

3. feel your value. What words should you repeat to yourself? “I am, and I am here,” is a life-saving statement. Remember that you have the right to make mistakes or even to be non-ideal. You are! You occupy a certain place in this world regardless of the results of an Olympiad, a creative competition or winning a tender.

Exaggerated demands, someone else’s or your own, is a desire to jump above your head. It is possible to try, but the risk of injury is much higher than the possibility of achieving the goal. Soul injuries hurt more and take longer to heal.

So, remember, your self worth is up to you. Do you realize the depth of yourself and your capabilities? Or do you continue to cut off your oxygen without explanation? Stop doing that.

4. Begin to see the positive in everything. Do you notice that you have a bad habit of constantly thinking only about bad things? The thinking process is a controlled activity. Would you agree that you are much better at seeing the negative than you are at seeing the positive?

Let’s take a simple example. You have painstakingly climbed a high mountain, from which you should be able to see amazing views and the beauty of nature. Alas, the weather was overcast. And instead of beauties you see only thick fog, because of which you can’t see anything. Is it a shame? Of course. You spent time, money and energy to see… Nothing. Are you sure it’s nothing? Did you memorize the way up the mountain? Did you feel the mountain air, did you enjoy the company that accompanied you?

The same thing happens with self-criticism. Sometimes we get so used to thinking badly that we are simply unable to see the good. Praise, kind words towards ourselves seem like something bad. Sometimes even unnatural. But who, if not ourselves, can become a reliable support and support for ourselves?

So, is it necessary to try to banish your inner critic? The secret is that it will hardly be effective. It’s as if this way of putting the question completely disempowers that inner voice. What if we take a different approach – try to make friends with it? Understand who it is and where it comes from? Where is it leading you? Maybe it speaks of a lack of love and tenderness? Or that it’s time to get to know yourself?

The voice of the inner critic, which may be destructive in nature, can be helpful. Remember that everything is in your hands. You have the power to transform destruction into creation.