Why do we fall in love with the same people? You can’t make a picture with just anyone.

The fact that each person has completely different criteria for assessing attractiveness is understandable. But why some people are always attracted to romantics, while others are constantly linked by fate with pragmatists? Science has an explanation. It’s not really about physical attractiveness or common interests. It’s that the choice of a partner is largely influenced by nature. More precisely, imprinting – the mechanism of imprinting images fixed in the early period of development.

What is imprinting?

This special biological mechanism, or rather, a certain formation of extremely strong memory in childhood and puberty, and affects what people you consider potential partners. This phenomenon was first encountered by the Austrian zoopsychologist Konrand Lorenz. His experience showed that newborn ducklings are ready to recognize as their mother the first moving object. One of the chicks, for example, “appointed” mom a regular balloon, and when he grew up, actively “cared” for any moving round object.

Then this phenomenon began to study psychologists. They came to the conclusion that the human imprinting is seen in the example of the relationship between the child and his mother, and later with a partner. Of course, this does not mean that the baby born, having seen the first obstetrician, will spend the rest of his life as his mother. This mechanism exists only in those animals whose cubs are adapted to life from birth. In humans, imprinting is “postponed” until puberty. That is, if in animals habits are formed within a few days from the moment of hatching, in humans this process is delayed for several years (we are Homo Sapiens for a reason).

We suggest to reread or review the saga “Twilight” (yes, yes, this is not a typo) to see the mechanism of imprinting by example – albeit in allegorical form. There you can trace the unique imprinting ability of werewolves. One such example is Jacob and Renesmee. Their lives were connected long before he met his future soulmate.

Humans, of course, are far from werewolves, but they also succumb to the mechanism of imprinting. In part, we meet people who already exist in our subconscious. Sigmund Freud said so – the theories of psychologists are also largely based on his provisions.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

As my practice shows, this theory has its place. It often seems impossible to justify the choice of a partner. But there is an explanation for it after all. Most often we imprint with those people who allow us to live emotions, scenarios and behavioral patterns that have already been fixed and lived by us in childhood

What images influence the choice of a partner?

Most often this image is formed from the immediate environment. Cupid’s arrows choose a target based either on the image of parents or another memorized one.

Parents
First and foremost are, of course, the parents. In 1920, a strange incident occurred in India. Two feral girls were found running on all fours in a wolf pack. It was assumed that they had gotten into the pack at the height of imprinting when they were about one year old. And so the image of the she-wolf was imprinted in their minds as maternal. It is at this age that humans adopt basic operational skills from adults, such as walking and even her manner. This is our point: the way in which the parents appear before the baby, imprints on his behavior and further choice of a companion or companion of life. The behavior of close adults instantly and forever imprinted in the mind of the child.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

It does not matter what exactly was childhood, good or bad, a person will still try to relive those emotions that were in early childhood. Therefore, we are most often attracted to those who on an unconscious level causes associations with childhood and the most significant figures – parents.

For example, if a girl has a cold and distant father, stingy on the display of emotions and praise, then, in the future she will be attracted to similar men. That is, she will seek the love and attention of a partner who has little interest in her, as this is a habitual pattern of behavior with her father, fixed from childhood.

Surroundings
Not only parents influence the image of a future partner. We fixate on everything that is around us. Who do schoolchildren fall in love with? Most often in classmates or “guys from the yard”. What about the numerous examples of celebrity romances on movie sets? Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher are a case in point. This is the very case when we choose a couple from among the closest environment. In psychology there is even a separate name – the effect of simply being in the field of vision. A person tends to evaluate positively those with whom he often comes into contact. In the future it is easier for him to trust a person similar to the remembered image, with whom favorable relations have already been formed.

As practice shows, this happens often. Actually, this is the love “rake” on which many are constantly stepping on. In this case, the similarity may not be in appearance or behavior. It can be something elusive: figure, gesture, facial expressions, way of thinking – in general, anything. As soon as there is this unconscious association with the main figure of our life, in fact we are imprinted.

Acquaintances, friends, lovers during puberty
This form of imprinting is activated with the onset of puberty. That is, those with whom you socialized after the age of 12 also influence the formation of a certain standard of a partner. At a more mature age, a teenager begins to think about how he wants to organize his personal life. The first physical intimacy or long-term emotional communication – all this will affect future relationships.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

The image of a person significant for us largely influences the choice of a partner and forms a form of attachment, which we then translate into our relationship. This happens on an unconscious level, so sometimes we can’t even explain to ourselves why we choose this particular person.