How do you realize that you are procrastinating your life and may regret it in the future?

psychiatrist, psychotherapist

Fear of the new is often about the past. It is impossible to be afraid of something that has not yet been in life. A person simply has no idea about it. He fears what has already happened – the repetition of his negative experience.

The origins of resistance

Once upon a time there was a girl. She fell in love with a boy. She decided to confess to him, and he… The chosen one turned out to be not such a “prince” and ridiculed her in front of her peers. It was in the seventh grade, but the “girl” still does not trust anyone. She is lonely, because a relationship implies that you have to confess your feelings. The prospect terrifies the girl.

Once upon a time, there was a boy. He studied well, he tried. One day the teacher called him to the blackboard to read a poem. Excited, the child stammered, but instead of encouraging words of support he received insults. The teacher called him untalented. Alas, this often happens. The teacher’s intemperance led to the fact that the “boy” decided that the experience of public speaking was not for him. When he needed to make a report for promotion, he closed the door to a happy future in horror.

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All major psychological traumas, involving many hard-to-transfer emotions, take a toll. The process of upbringing does the most “damage”. The environment in which a child grows up is very important.

There should be an individual approach to each person. We are all different. Some are born a cactus, others a daisy. Someone needs a little pressure to show courage, and someone, on the contrary, needs to be supported in time.

Often the reason for resistance to change is learned helplessness. This is a state when a person feels bad, but he does not make any attempts to change the situation. He believes that it is impossible.

So, we are afraid of new things because there is a huge fear of falling into a frightening situation from the past. Fear of repeating a negative experience inhibits development.

Is resistance to change ever justified? Does a person always need this new experience?

Of course, sometimes the horizons we dream about are not really necessary. Yes, people are always talking about self-improvement and moving forward… Does this mean that everyone should constantly run somewhere and achieve something? Of course not. It is quite possible that your desire to slow down, to linger at some point – a manifestation of common sense, a sense of true needs or even the instinct of self-preservation.

So how do you figure it out? Are you moving at your own pace and direction or are you clearly procrastinating on something important?

To do or not to do?

Resistance is logical and justified if doing (not doing) things will not make life globally better or, on the contrary, will make it much more difficult in the process of doing them.

Procrastination of important things (for the reasons described above) is quite simple to identify. Here will be the wording: “I know that I need to do it, but I will not do it yet (not now, when the time comes)”. There is a process of ignoring what should clearly have a positive impact on one’s life.

Let’s take a person who dreams of learning French, but never does. He goes to France once every five years. It is not known when he will go there again. Of course, the language is beautiful and very much want to shine with its knowledge next time, but …

A tutor costs so much. Textbooks – so much. Time is categorically lacking. And in general, taking into account all the costs, it would be cheaper to hire a personal translator. Here resistance is justified.

Now let’s imagine that a person needs to go to France. He has to move to this country, say, for work. He will learn the language very quickly, because the quality of his life directly depends on it.

Let’s take another example. You want to lose weight, but every morning instead of jogging, you lie in bed for an extra 20 minutes. Most likely, until there is no real motivation, nothing will change. Ideas about a slim body can hang in the air for a long time, beckoning and tormenting you. They will come true only after a visit to the doctor, who threatens you with obesity and some bad disease. Also “kick” may come from the side of wounded ego. But to hurt should be so that the process of weight loss has become vital for the body.

Is this resistance justified? For the brain, yes. It always switches on the energy-saving mode. For a conscious person – no. Obviously, you need to deal with your weight before it brings you to the doctor’s office.

Of course, overweight is complicated. A lot is involved here, including the attitudes that sit in our heads. In this case, weight loss is just an example of how a person can procrastinate on something truly important.

Alas, the situation is not always as transparent as in the French example….

A person, afraid of repeating his old negative experience, may ignore the fact that this is all he really needs. Pressing his needs. Like, for example, that “girl” who denies herself a relationship because of childhood trauma. She has already justified her choice and found the upside of it. Now she is a passionate cat lover and all men are automatically deemed unworthy.

Is this woman happy? What should she do when everything is so neglected? The first and surest step is to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. The specialist will help to separate their desires from those imposed by society, to understand the causes of resistance and make a plan of real action. Everything will work out. It is only necessary not to be afraid to make a step and choose the right direction.