How to learn how to gently assert your position when everyone around you is against you

It is important to recognize and notice one’s self in front of other people. Setting and protecting personal boundaries can help us do this. The main and perhaps the most difficult thing is not to go to extremes. Often it turns out that people turn out to be too rude to you or completely ignore the boundaries of what is allowed. Despite this, you must remain calm and moderate in your statements and actions. It is worth remembering to be polite and at the same time persistent.

Together with psychologists have compiled several rules that will help to protect your boundaries and not fight with the interlocutor.

crisis psychologist

When we talk about our feelings, the other person is also able to open up.

Do not switch to personalities

Alina: Try to control your negative emotions in response to an insult. Never respond with claims and don’t get personal. This is how we turn on the aggressor and devalue the other person’s feelings.

Such behavior is our defensive reaction and the result of self-doubt. And in the opponent it only causes reciprocal aggression and unwillingness to make contact.

Stay interested

Alina: It is certainly difficult to remain interested in something that you are not close to and that you deny. It’s important to realize that you don’t have to understand everything.

And you don’t have to comment on every thought of your interlocutor either. Read more about how to learn how to do this in the article at the link.

It’s okay if you’re bored and uninterested. But if you’re leading a discussion, that’s a different matter. It’s definitely worth sorting out your motive: why should I be interested?

This is an opportunity to learn to accept people for who they are. Just because we are different doesn’t mean one of us is bad. You may have different opinions, and you may be curious about new information. But that doesn’t mean you should accept the other’s position without critical evaluation. On the contrary, you filter information based on your own assessments, opinions and values and get to know the world and other people better.

Don’t be afraid to talk openly about your feelings

Hope: Fear of talking about your feelings is a common problem. If the dialog is uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to point it out. There’s nothing selfish about it – you just want to feel comfortable talking to those you trust.

It’s a matter of personal boundaries. If you don’t like what your opponent is saying, you can say so. Of course, we are not talking about rudeness – it is always worth remembering mutual respect and basic politeness.

Keep your distance

Nadezhda: If towards you acted inappropriately, it is important to understand who this person is to you and in what state he is in.

If it is someone close and at this particular moment he does not have the resource to respond carefully, you can ask what’s wrong. If it is a stranger, do not hesitate to point out the mistake – no one deserves to be treated rudely. All participants in a conversation or argument should respect each other.

Make a tactful remark

Alina: You can gently say that a certain phrase or gesture is unacceptable to you.

Try to build a dialog like this: “I do not like it when I am interrupted in a dialog. Please listen to me as I am listening to you”. It’s important to realize that people set boundaries both ways. If we demand respectful treatment for ourselves, we should treat others accordingly.

Read more about how to assert personal boundaries in the material at the link.