How to understand what we want ourselves and what is being imposed on us? The psychologist suggests 3 rules

How to understand what we want ourselves and what is being imposed on us? The psychologist suggests 3 rules

Sometimes other people’s ideas seem so attractive that it is almost impossible to distinguish them from your own.

Psychologist, expert of wellness platform level3mind

How can you distinguish your own thoughts and desires from those imposed from the outside?

We are shaped by society: environment, advertising, stereotypes – our own thoughts are not always heard in the general information noise. Logic, critical thinking, contact with your emotions and orientation on bodily sensations help to distinguish your desires from imposed ones. But in reality, it may not be so easy.

Pay attention to what happens to your body when you think about your desire. Are you relaxed or do you feel tension, or maybe an inner trembling? Or, on the contrary, does your body feel like it’s contracting? Feelings help you to understand whether your desire is true or not. At first it may seem as if you do not feel anything at all – this is normal, the skill to notice the reactions of the body can be trained.

How to realize that the desire is imposed?

Remember about logic. Giving in to external influence, we often can not explain why this particular idea became important to us. Abstract explanations and inability to give solid arguments – a bell, calling to listen to themselves, not to the opinion of the outside.

A sudden change in priorities should also be a cause for concern. Remember at what point your desire arose and what caused it? Perhaps it was a conversation with someone from the environment. And what was the opinion before it? Why did it change?

Pay attention to whether the new position coincides with your basic values.

What desires and thoughts should you pay special attention to?

“Betting” on one idea. Sometimes it’s really important to focus on one thing at a time. For example, when you are writing a dissertation, taking an exam. In such moments, the whole focus is on a specific area, the rest of the desires and thoughts go to the background.

But the overall balance is no less important than a brilliant result in one particular case. Have you noticed that you sacrifice most of your desires for the sake of one? Perhaps this is a reason to reevaluate your priorities.

Agreeing without fact-checking. We put every idea through an internal filter of perception. Sometimes we trust other people’s opinions more than we trust our own. In some cases, this is justified: the doctor understands better what is depicted on the image of your X-ray than you yourself. But, agree, it is strange to listen to business advice from those who have not created a single project themselves, or to receive treatment recommendations from a blogger without special education.

Even recognized authorities are wrong. And the desires of others do not always correspond to your own interests. It is important to rely on facts, logic, and critical thinking even when an idea seems incredibly attractive and you want to believe in it. Be your own support.