How to understand your destiny without resorting to astrology: 4 tips from a psychologist

If you google the word “purpose,” you’ll immediately come up with the most popular query that goes along with it. Which one do you think it is? You’re absolutely right. That would be “destiny by date of birth.” What other formulations do people often use when they want to find their vocation with the help of the Internet? “Destination online, calculate destiny for free”, etc.

In general, it is obvious that they do not want to make any effort. And it is here, if you believe psychologists, lies the main problem. How to find your vocation without resorting to numerology? Our expert – candidate of psychological sciences Maria Danina discusses it .

Vocation, destination, path – we will talk about all this below. How to find what will fill your life? Will it be any one path or the direction can be changed from time to time?

PhD in Psychology, founder of the online school of psychological professions “Psychodemia”

If people don’t have to think only about their survival, they inevitably have questions about meaning – what is it all for? Why are they given life and how should they use it? This is usually accompanied by questions about utility, social good, impact on the lives of others.

So, what is the meaning of life? This is an eternal question. In different cultures in different epochs there were some or other forms of answer to it. The dominant philosophy of the time gave options of a certain degree of flexibility. Most often it was something dogmatic. On the one hand, it was bad, because it deprived freedom. On the other hand, it gave a person certainty.

At some point, due to globalization and the development of the liberal view of human society, we lost all ready-made answers and now have to find our “what for” on our own. Now it is usually solely about our own lives. How to dispose of it? This is where the concept of “purpose” comes in, which we will discuss below. What do we usually talk about here and where can this reasoning lead?

What is human destiny?

Human destiny is a concept that has become especially popular in recent decades. It is about the idea that deep inside we are all set up for a specific path and way of incarnating ourselves in the world. According to this scenario, for happiness it is important only to find the right path. If it succeeds, everything immediately falls into place. Life gets better, and as the famous commercial says: “The acid-alkaline balance is restored”. Jokes are jokes, but that is how this idea is imprinted in human consciousness. Alas, it is not very useful. Why?

Those who are really lucky to find a favorite business that can fascinate them for the rest of their lives do not need such ideas. They have it naturally and accidentally. Like love at first sight – once and for all. Alas, such people are extremely few. Most of them wander in the dark, and when they try to rely on the idea of purpose, they fall into the trap of endless doubts.

“Is it mine? Is it right for me? Is there that one thing I don’t know about yet that will make me happy?” – these are typical formulations of internal monologues on the subject of one’s path.

It is really like searching not just for a partner, but for a “soulmate”, “your man”, “the one destined by fate”. More often than not, such wanderings make people unhappy and frustrated. They hang on, unable to realize their potential.

To overcome such frustration, a person begins to turn to various clues: astrology, numerology and other practices of “reading” his personality. There he gets an answer and sometimes even feels relief. “So this is what I am destined for! I can stay focused and enjoy myself,” he decides. Perhaps he will be lucky and the choice will be a good one. However, such luck may not happen… We will never know, because history does not bear the subjunctive mood.

Searching for purpose: why it can take a long time to find it?

We are not really meant for anything. Yes, we are best at some things, some things we are not good at at all. It’s true. Somewhere we can be more successful, somewhere the chances of a breakthrough are highly doubtful.

There are also external conditions. Some niches are more developed, and it is easier to realize yourself in them, because there is a demand for the benefits you can bring here. In some niches, you will have to agonize for a long time before you get something. In other words, there is no ready recipe for how (where) to better realize oneself.

Moreover, it is known that a person changes throughout his or her life. Sometimes quite radically. What was an ideal choice in some years may become completely unsuitable in others. Sometimes it can be helpful to drastically change your trajectories to stay in tune. Right now you may think that the main business of life is family and household, but don’t be surprised if one day you are endlessly fascinated by the process of creating your own business.

We are so much more complex and diverse than the labels attached by the idea of purpose. Remember this!

How do you find your purpose?

There has to be a path, right? How do you figure out what is worth doing? There are a few things to consider.

1. Don’t just focus on the pleasure you get from doing something. Sometimes “your own” is about continuing to do something in the midst of suffering. “Fit” isn’t about pleasure, it’s about understanding the importance.

2. It’s always worth trying your hand at different areas of life. At least a little bit at a time. It’s like with investing and diversifying your portfolio – the more experiences you put yourself into, the more likely it is that some of your bets will eventually pay off.

3- Don’t agree to do something just for the money. If there is nothing useful (interesting) for you personally behind this or that task, except for material gain, you are just wasting your time and distancing yourself from good life choices.

4. It is important to engage in self-discovery and discovery of your values. What does this say? A value is something that you don’t spare time and money for. Something that really seems important to you and that you can’t imagine your life without.

One way or another, “your” business is somewhere near these values. A person who sees the meaning in beauty and aesthetics can work even as a banker, but in his work tasks there must necessarily be something that makes him “beautiful”. Even if it is the “elegance” of the business processes he creates. The easier it is to get your value in an activity, the more likely you will want to continue doing it.

5. Sometimes you need to stop and exhale. Perhaps right now you need a time out. Let’s put it to the test. Answer the question, “What would you do if you never had to earn your daily bread again”? Do you have a choice? If not, you’re in a bad way. In all likelihood, you are very tired and in survival mode.

To understand our deepest aspirations, we need to stay in a more or less relaxed and focused state. Sometimes taking an extended vacation can help determine what to do next. Often people resort to such a format as sabbaticals – a retreat from business in order to sort themselves out, understand their interests and chart the way forward.

Of course, not everyone can afford it, but many people do not even think about the fact that such practices exist. Yes, sometimes you just need to do nothing. Perhaps it is this peace that will allow the fog to clear, and then the path will reveal itself.