How to become the master of your emotions and manage your mood. Instructions from Andrei Kurpatov

Emotions brighten our lives every day, but they can also make it unbearable. Why? Being in their power, it is difficult for a person to build relationships, be productive at work and even feel healthy. Is it realistic to tame emotions? It is a difficult, but possible.

What are we talking about?

Emotions are a mental process reflecting subjective evaluative attitude of an individual to various situations and objects. From the scientific point of view, they are electrical impulses in the brain – both innate and acquired. That is, they are reactions formed as a result of experience and learning.

They emerged in the process of evolution. In the past, this skill helped animals assess the significance of events in the world around them and monitor their internal state. Today, emotions can be a reaction to both real and imagined events.

Feelings are an important part of human life. Both physical health and the quality of communication with others depend on them. They consist of several components. What are they?

1. Physiological reactions. What does this include? Adrenaline production, increased heart rate, redness of the cheeks, difficulty breathing, trembling in the hands.

2. Behavioral reactions. The most common are “freeze,” “run,” or “attack.”

3. emotional expression. Changes in voice intonation, movement, and behavior. For example, when we lower our eyes or hide our hands.

It is not necessary for three components to be present at once while living the emotion. Everything is individual. It depends on many factors. Mostly on the level of emotional intelligence.

Why do we need emotions? They are responsible for motivation. That is, they motivate people to act, to move forward. They help with communication. It is about determining the mental and physical state of yourself and your interlocutor. It is also a way to understand their true wants and needs. Well and protective function – to react quickly in dangerous situations.

Many people confuse emotions and feelings. These are completely different concepts. What’s the difference? It’s the length of time they’re in a state. The former are short-lived. The second are characterized by a long stable experience.

Types of emotions

In the XVII century, René Descartes defined only six basic emotions. It is about joy, sadness, surprise, desire, love and hate. Already in the twentieth century, psychologist Paul Ekman supplemented the list of the French philosopher with happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, anger, pride, shame, embarrassment and excitement.

Surprisingly, there is still no complete list of emotions. Modern psychologists have calculated that there are more than 500 of them. It’s just that people are used to designating different states with the same concepts.

So, in 2014, a group of scientists from Glasgow (Scotland) during a study revealed that many people perceive anger and disgust as similar. Moreover, people even confuse fear and surprise. Why is it important to know how a person really feels? To understand one’s inner state.

Many agree that basic emotions can be the following (they are categorized below):

1. Joy, elation, hope, pride, tenderness, gratitude, admiration, love, peacefulness, mindfulness, serenity, enthusiasm, excitement, exultation, sympathy, anticipation.

2. Anger, irritation, indignation, resentment, displeasure, disgust, contempt, frenzy, resentment, anger, spite, annoyance, envy, resentment, gloating, dislike, jealousy.

3. Sorrow, sadness, disappointment, longing, sympathy, despair, grief, regret, chagrin, pity, sorrow.

4. Fear, anxiety, worry, alarm, dread, terror, panic, fright, consternation, excitement, wariness, apprehension, apprehension, apprehension, trembling.

5. Embarrassment, guilt, guilt, embarrassment, awkwardness, discomfort.

The list is constantly being added to and edited.

Are negative emotions bad or good?

doctor-psychotherapist, president of the Higher School of Methodology, creator of the “Academy of Meaning”.

It used to be believed that if you experience negative emotions, you should just spill them out. Then everything would be fine. In many offices of Japanese companies, there were even specially placed punching bags. So employees could use them to vent their anger.

Studies have shown that it’s not that simple. We can take the same anger as an example. Yes, the punching bag allows you to release the excessive muscle tension caused by it in the moment. But then the person feels powerless and unable to change anything in his life. As a result, he only gets worse.

On the other hand, there are a number of works on this topic, where it is stated that if you suppress the emotion of grief and do not show it, the difficult psychological state also worsens. What do you get? You should cry and then it will really get easier, but… We were brought up in a culture that sees tears as weakness. Crying is taboo in modern man. There is also a taboo against talking about emotions. Most people simply don’t know how to express their grief and accumulated feelings.

For this reason, the topic of emotional intelligence is actively researched in psychology today. Teaching people to understand themselves and their feelings is important. Why? You begin to think in a new way, which means that life changes for the better.

What should emotionally closed people do?

If you feel like an emotionally closed person, you have probably learned to suppress your reactions and hold them in. At the same time, you don’t know how to manage them.

The question is not whether a person is closed or not, but how aware they are. If you understand your emotions (and this can really be learned), you are able to control them. That is, you don’t turn into a neurasthenic person who emotes left and right. You simply begin to experience less negativity. You can rejoice more often, be happy, be interested in many things. Positive emotional involvement – in business, in relationships – comes into play. You live your life more fully. That’s what it’s all about.

Of course, you can’t do this overnight. Why not? Our brains are a set of patterned reactions. They’re learned in our upbringing and reinforced in our adult lives. They have to be rebuilt. Yes, the process takes time, but it is possible.

Emotional intelligence

What is it? Strictly speaking, it is about a person’s ability to understand his own emotional reactions, as well as correctly interpret the states of other people.

We rarely think about what emotions are prevailing right now. As a rule, we simply experience some state. But what is it and why exactly it arises in certain circumstances? Such subtleties are not properly realized by a person.

It is commonly believed that the cause of our experiences lies somewhere outside of us. We were insulted – we got angry. We have a difficult task to accomplish – we are anxious. We have been upset – we are upset. However, this is purely reactive behavior. Under stressful conditions, it only makes things worse.

We need to be proactive rather than reactive in dealing with our emotions. What does that mean? To understand what factors are provoking us. It is also important to be able to reduce the degree of their influence on us.

The ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus said on this subject: “Things are neither good nor bad. It is our attitude toward them that makes them so.” But this is not about how to change our attitude toward things that upset or anger us. It’s about how we perceive them.

A key sign of high emotional intelligence is mindfulness. It consists of the ability to change our perception of other people or events. If we can learn to modify our attitudes, we will gain power over our experiences.

How do you become the master of your emotions?

It is not as easy as it may seem at first glance. From early childhood we are taught to control our emotions: “Don’t cry!”, “Don’t get angry!”, “Don’t be afraid!”. However, suppression and control are two completely different processes.

By pushing an emotion inside, we don’t stop experiencing it. We simply hide the external component from others. We ourselves continue to be under its influence. This causes stress and internal tension, which can lead to the development of psychosomatic diseases. As you can see, emotions have a strong influence on life and health.

Managing emotions is a different process. To learn it, you need to know certain rules and use special psychotherapeutic techniques.

What are these rules?

1. It is important to realize that each of our emotions has three independent components: muscular, autonomic, and cognitive. It is necessary to work with each of them. For this purpose, special muscle relaxation techniques and breathing exercises are used. Work with irrational attitudes is also connected.

2. It should be remembered that emotions are not subject to conscious control. Therefore, if you want to get rid of negative experiences or enhance the effect of positive ones, it is necessary to know what factors contribute to the strengthening or weakening of our reactions.

3- Emotions are indicators of whether our desires are satisfied or unsatisfied. When we get what we want, we experience positive emotions. When we don’t get it, we experience negative emotions. The problem is that often we are not aware of our needs. We just don’t know what we really want. That’s why it’s important to learn to understand your true desires, expectations and inner motives in order to manage your emotions.

How do you manage your emotions?

1. Keep a diary of emotions and feelings

What do you need for this? A notebook, notepad, sketchbook, text editor on a PC or smartphone. The task: every day write out situations that triggered an emotional response in you.

At first, when filling it out, there will be difficulties in recognizing emotions. In this case, it is better to refer to bodily sensations. We are talking about a coma in the throat, trembling in the hands, pressure in the chest.

What does journaling give you?

• Tracking and recognizing your emotions during the day.
• The ability to analyze your experiences.
• Understanding what causes certain feelings.
• Recognizing your reactions.

2. Developing listening and listening skills

Quality communication is about listening first and only then speaking. Many people can cope with this task. But it is also important to hear what the other person is saying. This is more difficult. But by mastering this skill, a person will be able to understand the true meaning of what is said.

The purpose of this exercise is to learn how to correctly recognize emotions that are inherent in other people. To do this, ask the questions: “Do I understand you correctly, are you feeling fear?” or “Do I understand you correctly, are you sad right now?”. This will help develop empathy.

3. Interacting with your emotions

It is important to put into words what you are feeling. Remember, this is purely about personal projection. It is neither about you nor about your interlocutor.

Many people are afraid to feel shame, resentment or anger. In fact, they are not bad. Although in childhood we were taught the opposite. Remember that you cannot ignore your emotions.

Ask yourself: “What is it that I’m feeling right now? What is going on inside of me? What are the sensations in my body?”. Be honest with yourself! Only then will rational thinking, which begins to take precedence over emotions, turn on.

3. Breathing exercises

You should sit or lie down. Start counting your inhalations and exhalations: “one” – when inhaling, “two” – when exhaling, “three” – when inhaling again, “four” – when exhaling again, and so on.

The task is to breathe and count to 10. Do two or three cycles. This will be enough.

How to increase the effectiveness of the technique? The answer lies in the peculiarities of our attention. It can hold only three dynamic objects in the field of its perception. That is, focusing on these things, you will not be able to think about anything else. Remember – the mind affects emotions.

When performing the exercise, concentrate on counting, chest movement and the feeling of inhaled and exhaled air.

4. Meditation

This technique will help you not only to understand your true desires and purpose, but also to become the master of your experiences. How does it work? The mechanism is based on the interrelation of emotions and body reactions. All feelings, regardless of their strength, are reflected in the body. When a person listens to physical sensations, it becomes possible to find out what is happening to him or her now.

5. Concentrate on the positive

You can change negative emotions by watching funny videos, comedies or something positive. This option is suitable for weak reactions. In difficult cases, physical activity will help. It promotes the production of happy hormones.

6. Visualization

It is useful to visualize what your negative emotions could look like. You can do this in your head or put it on paper. Simply visualize your fear or anger. Then fix the image. Change the shape, redraw it, reduce it in size.

Your state will quickly transform. To see the change, rate the original feeling from 1 to 10. Now compare them with what they will be after the exercise.

7. Creativity

Emotions can be expressed through creativity. In particular, art therapy is a great way to deal with this today. If you find it difficult to show your feelings, try to express them through art.

This direction in psychology is a great way to get rid of unnecessary experiences. The healing effect of drawing is described in “Art Against Disease” by writer and artist Adrian Hill. This book will help you create a psychologically safe atmosphere. Most importantly, you will learn what emotions are.

8. Work with the body

It’s not just sports that helps you get rid of a number of negative feelings. Taking care of the body is more than that. It’s about massage, proper nutrition and rest. All of these affect physical and, as a result, emotional relaxation.

Remember that the feelings we experience every day determine our quality of life and can greatly enhance it. Just learn mindfulness. Then you will have more happy days in your life.