How to get acquainted with a girl: a 5-step instruction from a psychologist

psychologist, professional coach for men on the topic of relationships

“It is important to remember that a woman appreciates a man who first of all respects himself, his boundaries and time.”

It will be most useful for a man to make a “portrait” of a potential chosen woman. He can and should choose the best for himself – such is his true nature. And it is not about the external indicators of the chosen one, but about maximum compatibility with her. It is important to understand what kind of partner he wants to see next to him, and do not retreat from his intentions.

In the modern world it is easier to make this choice. Today we have more opportunities for dating. A lot of online services have appeared. People began to visit public places more often and, in principle, became more open to new things.

Today, men in most cases continue to romanticize relationships. They believe that there is a woman destined by fate. However, it is necessary to clearly understand what kind of companion he wants to see next to him. Also, you should not count on a casual acquaintance, which will someday happen by itself and will bring the “one” as a gift.

What is important when dating?

You can endlessly argue that appearance is not the main thing. More important is what is inside, the “soul” of a person. Yes, this is certainly true. But if we are talking about acquaintance, then here the external appearance and emotional mood of a man, translated into society, play a key role.

Meet, as they call it, “by the clothes”. Agree, even if the most interesting and exciting book is set in a faded and wrinkled cover, it will be of little interest to anyone. However, it is important to remember that external indicators are significant just at a short distance when getting acquainted. On a long – in a relationship – they are no longer considered a significant factor.

Illustrative is the example of buying a car: when choosing a car we can pay attention to its design and stated characteristics. But the further impression of owning a car we form only by its applied “qualities”, tested on the road.

We should not forget about the emotional state of a man. It affects the self-presentation of a man, is almost a determining factor in acquaintance. After all, a woman is looking for security, confidence and positive emotions in a partner. And it is by the true feelings that the guy radiates in society, she subconsciously determines whether it is a partner or not.

This is transmitted through non-verbal signals. Open postures, steady eye contact and a sincere smile will help you in this.

How to start a conversation?

Approach a girl who is interested, most men give difficult. Many ask themselves: “How to introduce themselves?”, “What to ask?”, “How to look?”. On this topic there are hundreds of lessons and lectures, dealing with schemes on how and what to say. However, all these tools are useless without one most important factor. He is the very “secret” in the successful acquaintance with a woman. And it sounds simple – everything should be in pleasure.

It does not matter at all what a man says and how he starts a conversation. If he feels stiffness and discomfort inside or “breaks” himself and shivering fear of being rejected, then nothing will work.

The recipe is simple – get rid of the fear of rejection, accept it as a norm. And, even better, deliberately try two or three approaches to the fair sex with an internal task – to get rejected. This will help in the future to relax and realize that there is nothing scary in this kind of thing. The only important thing is the attitude to what is happening.

As for the mechanics of starting a conversation directly, you should pay attention to the following points.

1. It is necessary to speak easily, openly and positively. No sullen grimaces, “brick” face and so on. A slight smile, open, slightly playful look, of course, directly into the eyes of the potential chosen one.

2. Should not start the conversation with the banal. It is about “Hi”, “How are you?”, “What are you doing?”. Believe me, women hear such “walk-ins” on a daily basis. Starting a conversation with a girl is like selling a product or service to a customer.

The most important thing is emotional involvement. It is desirable to begin communication, based on what is happening around you. For example, in a restaurant to ask for advice on the choice of dish and then already go to the standard: “I am so-and-so, let’s get acquainted”.

Even better – a light, casual joke about the surrounding situation or a compliment from the position of humor and approval. The more original, simpler the beginning of the conversation, the more the woman will be involved in it later.

3. The conversation should always have a logical progression so that the woman you are talking to gets involved with every second. Do not fall into a long and banal discussion of some topic or situation. In this case, she will get bored and lose interest in the dialog.

A man should constantly “escalate” the conversation within reasonable limits. Make jokes, suggest the development of the situation, ask open questions (those that can not be unambiguously answered “yes” or “no”).

The main task is to conduct a quick, emotionally colored dialog, after which the woman should agree to a subsequent meeting. The end point of communication should always be to set up a date or move the communication to messenger or phone.

4. You should not rely on any commonly accepted topics and concepts. You shouldn’t endlessly discuss the weather, her favorite music, etc. You should not choose for communication long and boring issues that require a serious conversation. It is necessary to remember the main thing – we recognize the potential chosen one, not trying to like every woman we meet.

There is nothing wrong with the fact that a particular girl “does not fit” in the course of communication.

Absolutely all topics are available for interaction, which will be able to develop communication. The only thing – it is better to avoid moments that can violate the personal boundaries of the interlocutor. These are purely individual questions about family, health and deep intimate details.

5. If there is a desire to show respect and attention to a new acquaintance, it can be done with the help of a “compliment from a position of strength”. That is – the praise that we do as if from above, approve of some quality, showing the advantage of the chosen one over others.

It is important not to confuse such words with the usual hypocrisy and arrogance. It is necessary to broadcast to the girl: “I like you, I like your specific qualities, what you do, I approve and respect you, as long as you do not do the opposite”.

The usual, classic compliments involve the following thought, “I like you just because you are, and I always will, regardless of your actions toward me.”

When should you call a girl?

If a woman has given her phone number, you should not start flooding her with messages and continue a long dialog already on the phone. Optimal will be to hold a small pause and during a short dialog to propose a meeting.

A common mistake of men is “dumping” in the continuation of the dialog in messenger after the received contact. Why does this happen? Because a man believes that it takes more time to get the girl to get comfortable. As a result – he will not get a refusal in the meeting.

However, often in the course of such long communications, which do not lead to action, the partner begins to get bored. As a result – simply stops answering messages or calls.

Not insignificant will be how exactly the guy offers a meeting. It is recommended to exclude phrases like: “Do you want…”, “Would you like…”, “Maybe we could with you…”. Such expressions instantly indicate that the man is weak. He makes it clear that he himself is not completely sure that he is worthy to go on a date with her.

The most appropriate words would be: “I believe that we definitely need to meet”, “Let’s meet…”, “I think our meeting is destined by fate itself, let’s meet at seven…”. Such words, said in a positive way, in the course of a light and pleasant dialog, will not leave her indifferent.