Who is an egomaniac and how do you realize you are not one? Check yourself against the list

psychologist, business coach, author of the book “Inevitable Happiness”

Every healthy person is inherently egoistic. We all strive to close needs, any of our action or communication is aimed at satisfying personal desires. It’s just that in modern society it’s common to mask it.

What is selfishness?

Concern for one’s own interests and benefits. It is important for such people to feel an advantage at the expense of others.

In fact, each of us is selfish. Let’s look at a situation. When we pass by a beggar, we usually have no desire to help him. But if we communicate with a successful, self-sufficient person, we strive to be useful for him, although he does not need it.

Why does this happen? We need it. We see a strong personality as a resource for ourselves. For example, to learn something new, to realize and change non-working algorithms in our life.

Underneath it all, there is selfishness. Moreover, even under the desire to do charity there is a need for self-acceptance – “I am good, kind, I help others”. In this way an individual tries to make amends to himself and others for past mistakes.

In society it is common to call a person who does not keep the balance of mutual benefit with others an egoist. He tries to satisfy exclusively his own needs. As a rule, often attracts people who put themselves in the background.

They zealously help others to thus accept themselves as a decent member of society. However, victims often do not have worked out relationships with their parents, so they tend to admire, reach for egoists, trying to realize somehow through contact with the outside their inner needs.

How to distinguish between selfishness and healthy self-love?

Self-love is respect and care for physical and psychological health, the development of talents, the realization of desires. Selfishness is an excessive preoccupation with one’s own interests without taking into account the needs and opinions of others. Self-love is important for the formation of a healthy self-esteem, while selfishness can lead to conflicts and dissatisfaction of others.

How do I recognize an egoist?

Egoists are easy to identify by behavior, communication and a set of qualities. Let’s talk about the latter in more detail.

• Conflicted;
• unscrupulous;
• no sense of duty;
• no sense of dignity;
• frivolous;
• lazy;
• unscrupulous;
• neglectful;
• likes a mess;
• doesn’t take advice;

• can’t stand any demands;
• irresponsible;
• lacks empathy;
• indifferent;
• insensitive;
• heartless;
• inconsiderate.

How do you realize that you are selfish?

1. You can’t stand criticism. Any remark in your address, even constructive, is painfully and acutely perceived. Such words psychologically lower, belittle, because the negative evaluation hits the inner “I”.

2. You are easily offended. We have already dealt with the impact of criticism on egoists. But not only words can hurt, but also actions and even indifference. Moreover, it hurts that others do not put other people’s interests above their own. For example, you were invited not to your favorite restaurant, but in a conveniently located place.

3. You are inherently narcissistic. This is expressed not only in appearance, but also in communication. It is about bragging, excessive demonstration of yourself, stories about successes, merits.

4. You like to command. As a rule, such people always speak in an orderly tone. They are peculiar to give decrees and dispose of. Egoists consider themselves superior to others. Who do you usually associate command with? Of course, with bosses, parents, teachers. That is, with those who are higher in status.

5. Do not know how to listen to the interlocutor. Other people’s problems do not arouse interest. Conversations about failures or troubles are not for you, because such information is perceived extremely hard.

6. Often use “I”. During a conversation, you constantly repeat this pronoun on and off.

Where does egoism come from?

psychosomatologist, physician

It arises gradually in the process of life, starting at a very early age. Upbringing in the family, communication with others, perception of the outside world – all this affects the formation of a person as a person. The source can be completely different situations. But first of all it is a lack of love and attention in childhood, fear of being deprived, insecurity, trauma and mental wounds.

Children exhibit selfish behavior at different stages of their development. Examples of these behaviors may include:

• unwillingness to share toys;
• insisting on their opinions and refusing to give in;
• ignoring the feelings and needs of others;
• requesting excessive attention;
• exalting one’s own interests and desires.

Why does this happen?

The manifestation of such actions can be caused by different reasons. These include:

• lack of experience in socializing with other children;
• a low level of empathy and understanding of people’s emotions;
• errors in upbringing, when parents do not teach the child to respect others and share with them.

What to do so that the child does not grow up selfish?

To help a little person overcome this, mom and dad can take the following actions:

• explain the importance of respecting other people, their feelings and emotions;
• teach friendship and communication with peers;
• encourage a willingness to share toys;
• teach empathy and sympathy;

• show examples of friendliness, generosity and respect;
• find other ways to meet the child’s need for attention and love.

How to get rid of egoism in adulthood?

psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, developer of the theory of adaptive intelligence

To change yourself for the better, you need awareness and self-reflection. There are several ways to help with this.

Develop empathy. It shifts the focus of attention from one’s self to the interests and needs of others. It is necessary to put yourself in the place of the interlocutor more often, to connect active listening. This contributes to the perception of another’s point of view, understanding others.

Show kindness and cooperation. Pay attention and find time to help. To do this, it is worth thinking about what your small actions will make a positive contribution to the lives of others.

Increase communication skills. It is important to learn how to communicate without conflicts, correctly understand others and interact qualitatively.

Work on yourself. Track the manifestation of egoism, analyze, understand its causes of appearance. In this work with a psychologist or psychotherapist will help.

Take an example from others. Pay attention to the people around you who show altruism and responsiveness. Support communication with them to immerse yourself in an atmosphere of mutual support and solidarity.

How to communicate with egoists?

Inevitably, in life we encounter people who exhibit selfish behavior. To communicate effectively with them, we need to set boundaries and be emotionally stable.

It is always a good idea to learn to identify the motives of others. There may be fear, insecurity or lack of attention behind such behavior. In such cases, you can try to talk openly with the selfish person and express your observations and feelings about their behavior.

In doing so, one should remember tolerance and objectivity, offering understanding and cooperation instead of confrontation. In finding a constructive solution, it is important to take into account the desires and needs not only of your interlocutor, but also your own.

If your partner is an egoist, it is important to communicate with him on an equal footing, not from the position of a victim. But the main recommendation here will be family therapy. It will help to save the marriage and build a harmonious relationship.