13 signs you’re living someone else’s script and ways to get back to yourself

Certified psychologist, member of the International Association of Psychologists, author of the Soul Therapy method

“Do you feel like you are living according to someone else’s script? As if you are not in your place? Most likely, you have been trying to meet someone else’s expectations for a long time and spent your energy on the realization of goals that are alien to you. Let’s take a look at what signals indicate this and outline steps to help you find yourself.”

Signs that you are living according to someone else’s scripts

1. You don’t like your job. Work activities are a big part of our lives, so it’s important that they are satisfying. If every day at work feels like torture, then you’ve been ignoring your needs and interests for a long time.

2. You feel dissatisfaction in a relationship. It can arise with your partner, your parents, your environment.

3. You are constantly striving to change something in your life. The desire to move, change your apartment or even city may indicate that you do not like the current situation and you are trying to escape from it. You feel that life in another place will be happier.

4. You dream, but you do not realize your desires. If a person does nothing to realize his ideas, it often indicates a fear of real life.

5. You have addictions. They are often a way to hide from reality and “escape” from your problems. With the help of alcohol, food, or a person you are trying to hide anxiety.

6. You are only focused on external indicators of success. For example, money, status, or fame. A person who lives in harmony with himself strives to find balance of mind. He is focused on this not in the least.

7. You are annoyed by happy people. Behind this feeling often hides the inability to live in joy itself.

8. You are constantly thinking about the well-being of other people. They are a much higher priority for you than your reality. You live only for your family or children. You are ready to help friends and colleagues at the first call, to the detriment of your own interests.

9. You have no goals, plans or guidelines. You just go with the flow, without thinking about what will happen in a week, month or year.

10. You feel tired and burned out. These feelings may indicate that a person lives with an eye on the opinion of others and tries to meet other people’s expectations.

11. You have lost interest in your former hobbies. You no longer enjoy what you once burned for. There are times when our hobbies change and we leave our once favorite activities behind. However, sometimes this is a sign that someone else’s interests have been imposed on you.

12. You feel a loss of self. If a person feels that reality seems to “pass behind glass” and he exists in it, but does not really live, it can be a signal of loss of connection with his own desires and goals.

13. You develop uncontrollable reactions and behaviors. You are overly impulsive and spontaneous. You can’t control your emotions and behave unnaturally, ruining relationships with others or your life.

How to get your life back

1. Perform the “inner observer” technique

Living someone else’s destiny means constantly being in a scenario that is unnatural for you. To overcome internal conflict, you need to see the difference between yourself and the imposed role. How to do it? Become an “inner observer” by separating yourself from your roles, feelings, thoughts and sensations.

The following thought techniques will help you:

• “Feelings are not yourself. What are they then? They are just feelings you have right now.”
• “Feelings are not yourself. What then? They are just sensations that you have right now.”
• “Thoughts are not yourself. What then? They are just thoughts that you have right now.”
• “Roles are not yourself. What then? They are just the roles you have right now.”

When you are able to distance yourself from all of these aspects, you will become an “inner observer” – you will return to yourself. You will realize what role you are playing and for whom, to whom and what you want to prove, with whom or what you are fighting.

2. Start to realize yourself

To live an enjoyable life, it’s important not to forget your purpose. Your scripts are the ones given to you by nature. Realization is to become a complete person – a good son or a loving daughter for your parents. Professional fulfillment, work and contact with the physical world are equally important.

The next step is to come to the point where your activities bring you joy and satisfaction. Rarely does anyone manage to achieve this all at once. On the way to self-actualization you will find a lot of internal dissent, non-acceptance and ingratitude, lack of recognition.

All these defense mechanisms help us adapt to the world when we don’t believe in ourselves and have no inner support. It is important to work through the egoic attitude and find support in aspects such as love, family and work.

3- Open yourself to knowledge and constant learning

We can’t enjoy something we know nothing about or don’t know how to do. Therefore, it is normal to feel dissatisfaction, misunderstanding and fear on the journey of finding yourself through personal and professional growth.

Keep exploring and learning the aspects that are important to you, turning information into skills. Once you have traveled the path of an apprentice, you will be able to find your own personality and professionalism and act according to your own competencies. This will bring you satisfaction and joy.