How to respond to comments about appearance: defense and response techniques

We are very often asked uncomfortable questions and given opinions about our appearance when it is inappropriate and unnecessary. For example: “Have you put on weight? You look so great, don’t lose weight! Or, on the contrary: “You have completely neglected yourself. Let’s go to the gym, on a diet.” It seems like two different lines: one in a positive way, the other – in a negative way. But both one and the other statements drain energy, hurt and cause psychological discomfort.

Together with the expert we analyze why this happens.

Gender psychologist and NLP master

Any uncomfortable question concerning appearance is a manifestation of aggression.

Manifestation of aggression

Even if a question or a rejoinder sounds as if in a kind way – this is also a sign of aggression, but only passive (hidden). So aggressors violate the boundaries, get a charge of negative energy.

People react painfully to uncomfortable questions about appearance, personal life, wealth. Hearing even a hint of something negative, a person begins to look at himself in the mirror, gets upset, analyzes his situation.

Emotional reaction

A typical reaction is to get upset, angry, and justify oneself internally (I’ll go to the gym soon, and others have it even worse, it’s not the appearance that makes us happy). It is convenient for us to keep silent, to accept the aggressor’s remark, to make a joke. But this does not get rid of the unpleasant aftertaste in the form of insecurity, depression and bad mood.

It is worth changing the reaction. But first of all, you need to understand: why does a person even ask uncomfortable questions? Perhaps you have noticed that the person who said a caustic remark or compliment, which is actually full of criticism, begins to smile. He literally feels physically good about the fact that he has caused the negative reaction of another person. Further, the aggressor can even filigree to turn the situation in his favor, “sag” on something and begin to manipulate.

Put the aggressor in his place

What technique is worth applying in order to put the aggressor in his place and get out of the situation with dignity.

Ignoring. If you are confident in yourself and your appearance, then no question or remark should not hurt you. Do not react to them, let them pass by your ears.

The technique of “aikido”. You ostensibly agree with the remarks, and the aggressor is in a stupor. In response to the remark, “You’ve gotten so fat,” you reply, “Yes, that’s right.” No excuses, no explanation. And the subject is closed.

Set boundaries. For example: “Lena, I respect you very much as a colleague. But I don’t like it when you bring up the subject of my appearance. So I propose to close this issue once and for all.”

Ask directly. “Why are you asking me uncomfortable questions? You know it would make me uncomfortable!”

Regardless of the technique you choose, you need to remember that communication with aggressors should be limited. These are toxic people who need to be removed from the environment.

Note that caustic comments come from people who are not emotionally fulfilled, unhappy, marginally erudite, and not exactly attractive. They simply have nothing else to do but “spew venom”. Don’t waste your health, energy and time on them.

Introduce wholesome and happy people into your environment who will energize you for success and give you energy.