What it means to be yourself and how to learn to do it: psychologist’s advice

What does it mean to be yourself? It’s about simply being the person you are. But in reality it is not simple at all… Why do we find it difficult to be ourselves and want so much to build something of ourselves?

psychologist, gestalt therapist

The reason is banal – the fear of judgment, which turns into the development of a strong dependence on the surrounding opinion. How to stop constantly waiting for the approval of others and in any situation to remain yourself?

To be yourself is to feel your personal experiences and be guided by your beliefs, desires and interests when making decisions. To be yourself is to feel harmony and inner balance, to remain natural. Alas, people tend to hide their true self behind social masks. Why?

What prevents you from being yourself

1. Unpassed separation from parents

Unpassed separation – this is when it is difficult to understand whether you want to be yourself or, in fact, your parents (more often your mom) want you to be yourself. Sometimes it seems that these are unambiguously authentic decisions of a particular person, because a person acts against his or her parents in everything. However, this is just one of the indicators of immaturity and the desire to prove something to the family. In this case, the person is not free and is also not independent.

2- Alixithymia

This is a condition when a person really does not know how he or she feels. It is usually characteristic of people who in childhood were often told: “Put on a hat, because you are cold”. It turns out that the parents were explaining to the child his feelings. Consequently, he did not learn to recognize them. But it’s very important.

Why is it necessary to know your feelings? They’re connected to your true wants and needs. Only by clearly recognizing them, you can be guided in what is “mine” or “not mine”.

3. Applied beliefs

It happens that a person is guided by principles that are imposed on him. The same parents or teachers at school. These principles interfere with the realization of one’s own desires. Being yourself in this situation does not work.

4. Fears based on previous negative experiences

This also comes from childhood. It is connected with moments when the child was criticized for this or that behavior. Again, by parents or/and teachers.

Another reason is the lack of emotional and physical connection with parents. This forces one to constantly play someone else’s role, to be someone one is not.

How to learn to be yourself

What will help to pave the path to your real self and allow you not to be afraid to show yourself in this way? Let’s look at a few possible tools.

1. Engage in self-discovery

The main thing is to get to know yourself. What are you really like? Explore, ask yourself leading questions:

• What do I really like?

• What advantages and disadvantages do I possess?

• What are my strengths and weaknesses?

• What are my values?

• What social masks do I wear?

• Do I depend on the opinions of others?

• What do I want to hide from others?

2- Turn off the inner critic

No one likes to be criticized all the time. However, a person criticizes himself, his appearance and actions all the time. Monitor this inner voice and do not let it take over. Instead, praise yourself even for small things.

3. ask for help

If you can not find the ground under your feet on your own, it is better to turn to a psychologist or psychotherapist. The specialist will help to work through childhood traumas and get back to yourself.