How do you build relationships if a partner, relative or friend has bipolar disorder?

Mental illness is, alas, not an uncommon phenomenon. One in four people has a mental or behavioral disorder. Not to mention that under stress, some may behave “inappropriately”. We tell you how not to be confused and find contact with loved ones who are coping with one of the most common illnesses – bipolar personality disorder.

What is bipolar disorder?

A mental disorder is a disorder of brain function that causes changes in feeling, thinking, and behavior. This includes depression, schizophrenia, and borderline, bipolar disorders. Each has its own characteristics and a specific set of symptoms. But there’s one thing they all have in common: a distorted perception of reality. Coping with this is not an easy task, especially within a relationship. But there is a way out – to study the recommendations and on their basis to develop your approach to a loved one.

According to psychologist Diana Yariz, relationships with people who have mental disorders are built in the same way as with all others.

Diana Yariz

psychologist

The only difference is in the specifics of the support provided. In order to help a loved one with such a disorder, it is important to understand what is happening to him. You can ask him or her to tell you what he or she is having difficulty coping with and what kind of help he or she wants. And definitely believe that your loved one is not feeling well when he or she talks about it, even if you don’t see signs of feeling bad.

With bipolar disorder (BPD), a person has episodes of unreasonably high and low moods, ranging from feeling unusually upbeat to abrupt hopelessness. Drop everything and go to Africa? Of course! Invest the last of your money in a new business? Easy! At first, such excitement can be considered fearlessness. It’s not. At any moment, a desperate adventurer can become a completely different person. Yes, supporting a person with BAR is a challenge. But it is possible to cope. The first thing to do in this case is to realize that there will never be permanence in your life, says psychologist Alina Sotova.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

If you are a stable person, you have everything laid out, you know what will be tomorrow and even in a year, then a person with BAR will every time knock you out of the rut. Relationships will be like a roller coaster. More often than not, a man with a BAR is a walking adventurer, and you can never predict his actions. This may be partly what attracts you. But such relationships are not about stability.

Another question, if it is your relative, because we do not choose the family, so here it is necessary to competently build communication. If a person is important to you, you need to be ready to help him. Bipolar people often have a decline in energy, they may seem that the world does not love them. Such people are prone to vivid emotional manifestations. Here it is necessary to provide emotional support, to be near, listen, hug. To get out of this state, it is important to convince that everything will be fine. And in no case not to go together with him into a suffering story.

How to build a relationship with a person if they have bipolar disorder?

Everyone who has tried to build a healthy relationship knows: this is not an easy task. What about those who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder? For these people, the situation is exacerbated many times over. They crave intimacy, but their attempts to fill the inner void often repel loved ones. Nevertheless, they count on care from the partner, not on his “escape”. Such is the paradox.

In general, the relationship and the diagnosis do not contradict each other. Yes, love cannot cure ailments, but care can improve the condition of a loved one. Here’s what you can do.

Find a balance. Don’t agree to all his ventures and make sure he has an adequate daily regimen. Supporting any ventures of a bipolar person is fraught with consequences. That is, no crazy behaviors, sleepless nights, hunger strikes, etc. Everything must be in moderation.

Keep active. Try to get out of the house every day and find time for moderate exercise. Otherwise, the person with BAR will have a great opportunity to lie in bed and isolate himself from everyone (including you). He needs to be busy.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

Such a person is always fascinated by something. You as a more balanced partner can help him to direct his energy in the right direction. But this does not mean that you need to establish an authoritarian regime. You just have to accept this peculiarity and be more attentive to the development of your relationship. You have to be ready for anything. Because today a person with BAR can be fine and tomorrow everything is bad. You can never predict his emotions, and this can psychologically pressure your partner.

Don’t patronize. Warm relationships are very important for people with BAR, they give a sense of stability, which they lack. At the same time, bipolar people are very free-spirited, so hyper-parenting on your part will only provoke resistance in him. So save your attempts to “tame” for pets.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

Control and aggression in his direction will only cause a backlash and alienation. Accuse him of mood swings is also not worth it. Otherwise, it leads to a loss of trust, the man will close and alienate.

Negotiate. During manic episodes, it will be too late to decide something, but a premeditated “SOS plan” can make the situation a little easier. For example, agree in advance with your loved one that if at any point he or she starts doing out-of-bounds things, for example, he or she will go to a specialist.

What can you do to support a loved one with bipolar disorder?

Talk openly with him or her about how his or her illness is progressing. Because of stereotypes like “all bipolars are unstable,” many people don’t realize what the disorder is really like. Your interest will tell him a lot about your empathy.

Learn more about how he is coping. It’s likely that you’ve never experienced anything like this before, and you’ve only heard about people with mental illness in the news (and then only in passing). Ask your loved one to talk about how they experience “seizures,” what usually helps them, and what can make them mad.

Offer to keep him or her company if he or she is in regular counseling or therapy. You don’t have to be in the therapist’s office with him or her, but you can wait outside or at least meet him or her after the session.

Explore the specifics of his or her condition. Discuss (with your loved one’s permission, of course) with his or her specialist what materials you need to read, how to behave, and what might improve his or her situation.

Make memos for your partner. They will be a reminder that you love him and will always support him, even if you are not around right now. You can not be limited to notes and show imagination: leave cute stickers on the table in the morning, send voice messages at times when he is alone – a small thing, but nice.

What not to do in a relationship with a person with bipolar disorder?

Blame. Much less write off any problems in the relationship solely on his or her health issues.

Diana Yariz

psychologist

When fighting, you can’t blame a person’s disorder and force them to get treatment. You can gently and jointly discuss your plan of action if your loved one becomes ill. And don’t tell everyone left and right that your friend, brother, partner is sick.

Take it upon yourself to “cure”. Any mental illness requires ongoing supportive therapy. You can’t just say, “Hey man, don’t be sad” and it will go away. It’s a medical diagnosis, and it requires professional help. So don’t put an impossible burden on yourself.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

Motivation “rescue” will not lead to anything good. Do not hope that it is with you a person will be cured once and for all. To adjust the partner to himself – means not to accept him as he is. When one of you has to cope with a mental illness, communication becomes many times more difficult. It’s important to recognize how much you are willing to accept your partner’s characteristics and want to be with them.

Control. Bipolar people are prone to frequent changes of partners, notes the psychologist.

Alina Sotova

psychologist

They constantly need new emotions and impressions. Today he is with one, tomorrow with another – it is natural for them. Therefore, it is not necessary to play along, command and establish rigid regimes.

Make the disease a tragedy of a lifetime. What you name the ship, so it will sail. If you treat the disorder as something that can be managed, you’ll be fine. Yes, most disorders are untreatable, but so is diabetes. The only difference is the treatment. With diabetics it’s daily insulin injections, with people with a mental disorder it’s medication and therapy.

Believing the myths. Some sources more often than not create a picture much bleaker than it really is. Seek information only from trusted sources.

This material is not a guide to saving a person. Diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders should be handled by professionals.