What is a behavior pattern and how to change it? 7 steps from a psychologist

psychologist, NLP practitioner, member of the Association for Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy

“Our actions play a significant role in our destiny, determining our interactions with the world and with ourselves. Understanding and changing ineffective patterns helps a person achieve greater harmony, fulfillment and improved quality of life.”

What is a pattern of behavior?

Pattern in English means “form, pattern, scheme”. It is a steady and stable way of human behavior and response to certain situations. A repetitive pattern or pattern.

It reflects the reactions of people in different conditions. It can be manifested both in the form of internal processes (thoughts, feelings) and in external actions.

Every day we act in a particular way. This process is unconscious. Patterns can be formed under the influence of tradition, culture, personal experience. Often they originate in early childhood and remain stable throughout life unless we become aware of them and change them.

We also memorize what was useful in past experiences and refer to it in subsequent situations.

The principle of patterns is based on the repetition of certain actions or reactions without having to think about them each time. It is a kind of “automatic” response to certain stimuli. That is, our “autopilot.”

For example, a person experiencing stress may habitually start biting his nails or expressing his nervousness through facial expressions. Such behavior becomes regular and imperceptible. Such actions affect the emotional state of a person and interaction with others.

Pros and cons

Some patterns of behavior contribute to the successful functioning of a person in society, as they help him to cope with life tasks and provide a quick reaction in stressful situations.

Others, on the other hand, can lead to problems in interacting with the world around them, making it difficult to adapt and leading to negative consequences and bad habits.

This affects many aspects of life, including relationships with others, emotional well-being, decision-making, professional success, and so on.

The pros of patterns include their protective function, the development of stability and predictability, the ability to unload the brain, and the ability to help a person cope with stress and difficult situations.

However, there are also significant disadvantages. These are limitations, obstacles to development, conflict, formation of bad habits and ineffective reactions.

Types of behavioral factors

In fact, patterns of behavior are very many. Therefore, they are usually divided into categories.

Adaptive and dysfunctional

The first type helps to successfully adapt to the external environment and achieve goals. An example here is regular study. When a person is constantly learning new things in order to develop in professional activities.

The second type hinders conformation and negatively affects the pursuit of desired things. Let’s say, avoiding conflicts by any means. As a result – the accumulation of unsolved problems.

Conscious and unconscious

In the first case, a person is aware of his actions and acts in a certain way. Let’s say that a man is constantly engaged in sports. Over time, this becomes a regular habit.

In the second – actions are made based on beliefs and past experience. Help to notice them can be through work with a psychologist. For example, if a woman gets angry, she automatically starts talking loudly. This leads to conflict.

Interpersonal and intrapersonal

The first type is manifested when we interact with others. Let’s say that a person is always looking for compromises in conflict situations. As a result, both sides find common solutions.

The second is reflection and relationship with oneself. Imagine that a man analyzes what happened and does not express emotions, keeps them in himself.

How to change them?

You can change the patterns of behavior in several ways.

1. The main step – awareness and comprehension of their own behavior, search for alternative strategies of action.

But for this you need to be able to see and recognize your mistakes. Otherwise, a person will constantly defend himself and look for confirmation of outdated and ineffective patterns.

For example, a subject facing social anxiety uses avoidance. He or she may start using self-acceptance strategies, practicing communication skills and pumping up self-confidence. Or continue to prove to himself and others that this is the norm.

2. Search for hidden benefits. Remember that there are cases where giving up your pattern for good is difficult. So ask yourself the question – what do you need this pattern for? The answer will help you understand the secondary benefit.

3- Analyze. Look at what area of your business you are having problems in. Think about how you act, how you behave in conflict situations. For example, if you haven’t been in a relationship for a long time, analyze how you interact with people. Perhaps you should reconsider your actions. A psychologist will help to understand this.

4. Finding a trigger. As a rule, a certain learned behavior is caused by a “catalyst”. If you find it, you can apply new, more productive strategies.

5. New behavior. Behave in a different way. The advice is that it’s best to start small. Let’s say you’ve made the decision to become proactive at work. Share your ideas with one of your coworkers, not in a general meeting. Over time, different behaviors will become part of your arsenal.

6. Focus on the outcome. Always keep in mind the consequences of your actions and behaviors. A positive ending will help increase your motivation to change.

7. A specific plan. To make it easier, you can make an instruction, following which you will change habitual behavior.