Self-love - what it is and how to truly learn to love and accept yourself

analytical psychologist, psychosomatotherapist, coach

Self-love is one of the most important qualities of a healthy personality, which allows you to feel satisfied and fully communicate with others. However, many people do not have it or it is underdeveloped.

The first step to developing this skill is acceptance. By suppressing our desires, we don’t get satisfaction from life. How do we fix this? First, you need to disconnect from the evaluations of others and focus on your own needs.

It is important to “make friends” with your shortcomings and weaken self-criticism, because the pros and cons of each of us are unique. Be grateful for your efforts, doing your best to improve your life. To understand yourself faster, keep a diary and write down your successes, even the smallest ones.

Remember that your environment also affects your self-image. Communicating with people who appreciate and accept you will favorably affect your outlook.

Satura rādītājs

How to love yourself?

When you have already learned to accept yourself, you can move on to the next step – love. To do this, you need to:

Learn to enjoy the time you spend alone with yourself;
to do things that make you feel good and develop you;
to be kind to yourself. Learn to see yourself as your best friend and don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out;
not to compare yourself to others;
take time for self-development. Everything new is a step towards your self;

appreciate every effort and achievement. Recognition and praise are important for self-esteem;
accept compliments.

Where to start.

Nurturing self-love is a long process that requires effort. Start small.

Don’t criticize or judge your actions and behaviors.
Follow your own wants and needs. Don’t censor them, but learn to satisfy them within healthy limits.
Surround yourself with positivity. Watch good movies, read inspirational books.
Let go of the past. Don’t cling to resentments and mistakes, move forward.

Remember, this skill comes gradually. The more kindness and care you give yourself, the faster you will be able to see changes. The key is to make the effort and take the first step.

Why is it important to love yourself?

This quality plays a big role for a full and happy life.

Gives you faith in your own strength and abilities.
Allows you to realize your potential. Without love and acceptance, there will be no desire to develop and achieve goals.
Brings satisfaction. It means you will begin to appreciate life.
Increases resilience to stress. Realizing your worth makes it easier to cope with difficulties.
Positively affects relationships. People will be more willing to interact with you.

If you ignore yourself, you may increase the risk of depression and low self-esteem. As a result – motivation for life falls, and this leads to addictions and addictive habits. A wheel of consequences is set in motion. Communication with others is cut off and well-being deteriorates.

What can prevent you from loving yourself?

Often you can encounter obstacles to the development of this quality. These include:

Negative self-criticism. Constant self-deprecation makes it difficult to develop a positive attitude towards yourself;

comparison with others. When you compare yourself to someone, you see only their strengths and your own shortcomings. Self-esteem is compromised. If you place too much importance on other people’s opinions, it is difficult to love yourself freely. This can be related to our traumatic experiences from childhood. For example, parents comparing your performance in school to the other kids’ victories;

a desire to please others. Overemphasizing the expectations of others leaves little room for understanding our own needs and desires. Striving for an unattainable ideal paralyzes progress and prevents you from enjoying the journey of life;

Inability to forgive. Holding grudges and shame for past mistakes prevents you from accepting yourself unconditionally;

avoidance of difficult emotions. Denying unpleasant feelings such as anger, fear or rage prevents you from being in complete harmony. For example, sadness is a normal and healthy feeling. Trying to avoid it interferes with mental recovery and growth;

lack of self-knowledge. Without taking time for self-reflection, it is difficult to understand one’s own needs, values and strengths. Holding onto stories of who you should be limits your ability to accept who you really are;

Ignoring physical and emotional needs. When you don’t pay enough attention to healthy eating, sleep, exercise and socializing, it’s hard to experience love. Without a sense of meaning and direction, it’s hard to find value in yourself;

Setting expectations too high. Setting unrealistic standards and being punished for not meeting them is irritating. Having a rigid view of who you are and what you are capable of limits positive growth and change. Flexibility in thinking is essential;

Inability to set boundaries. The inability to assert your own needs and say “no” feeds irritation and interferes with self-care. Healthy boundaries are an act of self-love.

What to watch and read to take a step toward yourself?

Movies and literature teach us many things, including self-reflection. We have collected works that raise this topic.

Films

“Penelope”. A good fantasy about the power of love. How can change not only the inner world, but also the external appearance, if there are real feelings.

“Homework”. A dramatic story about teenage difficulties. When the meaning of life is lost, fate can make its corrections in the form of love.

“Coco Before Chanel”. Screened biography of a legendary personality, who had to go through a lot of difficulties. If there is strength and perseverance, you can change a whole generation.

“The King Speaks”. An incredible story of overcoming the fears of the King of England. A drama about finding your voice.

“Obsession”. A movie about a young drummer who dreams of becoming a great musician, but does not find support from loved ones. The path to greatness is often thorny. Sometimes desire can turn into obsession.

Books

“You’re All Right” (Alina Adler). A psychologist’s instruction on how to deal with yourself. Serious questions through the lens of stories that are based on real-life case studies.

“To Yourself Gently” (Olga Primachenko). A meditation book that encourages you to hear your own voice among many others. Ecological interaction with the world and people.

“The Shack” (William Young). A philosophical novel about forgiveness and acceptance. Only by finding peace within are we able to live.

“Love of Imperfection.” Buddhist monk Genim Sunim’s discoveries about learning to love ourselves with all imperfections. “Be kind to yourself first, then to others.”

“Saying Yes to Life” (Viktor Frankl). The story of a psychologist in a concentration camp about how to find the meaning of life when the ground is going out from under your feet.