How to understand whether you need to move now or it will not solve anything: psychologist’s instructions

psihologs

Someone just takes off and leaves. Someone for years has been musing on the topic of changing the place of residence, not daring to make a step. And both can be wrong. How to realize that moving is something that will solve your problems, and not aggravate them or create additional ones? Let’s get clear and to the point.

It is definitely necessary to go

There are situations when a change of residence is a logical continuation of the chosen life scenario. In these situations, you may be afraid of the unknown, you may wonder whether the path you have chosen is the right one… But by and large, everything is clear. Why you need it, what will happen if you don’t move, etc. What situations are in mind?

1. Favorable job offer (transfer, etc.). Some companies may even pay for the move itself and accommodation (at least for a while).

2. The demand for your profession in a particular place. For example, there are enough surveyors in Moscow, but in the regions you can find vacancies on good terms.

3. State of health. When life is at stake, it is difficult to argue with another choice.

4. The desire to live together with a partner. Here we are talking about situations when one of the partners decided to move for objective reasons, (see points 1-3, ), and the second must pull up.

It is not a fact that it is necessary to go

1. On falling in love

What is the difference here from point 4 from the block above? It refers to a situation where you know each other only a little or not at all. It is especially dangerous to go to someone you met online. Real life can put everything in its place with the fact that you will not like the chosen location at all.

2. On a momentary desire

In winter, you want to go to a warm place and the idea of moving there seems great. Here we can discount the fact that everywhere has its pros and cons. For example, in winter, southern destinations are both warmer and quieter, and rental prices drop. But in summer… Crowds of people, traffic jams cleaner than those in the capital.

It is important not to act hastily, but to digest the idea. For example, as opposed to winter to go to another time, and especially in the peak of heat.

3. When it seems that it is better there

If it just seems like a dream, but there are no concrete arguments, it’s worth thinking about and laying out the reality. Perhaps it is “not very good” here for some reason that has nothing to do with the place of residence. If it is identified and satisfied, the question of moving will fall away.

This is also where the expectation-reality disappointment can arise. When the euphoria of the move subsides, all the disadvantages of the choice will become obvious.

4. For hypothetical money/fame/self-realization

Refers to the category of “it seems to be better there”. For example, one is sure that only in Moscow one will be able to realize one’s potential. This can come from general attitudes, childhood, etc.

It is generally believed that there is room for everyone in the capital and that this is where all the opportunities are. In fact, this is not the case. Especially now, when a person can realize himself remotely, sitting in a remote village near Smolensk.

5. From problems

This is about real escape. Behind it lies the illusion: “If I leave, I will leave everything where I am running from”. Alas, it usually turns out later that the problems have not gone anywhere. Why? They moved with you. They’re sitting inside.

6. Falling in love with a place

It’s about situations when you really liked a certain city/country while traveling. What is to be understood here? Being a tourist and living in a city are completely different things. A vacation is something similar to the first moments of falling in love. And the city shows itself at its best and you don’t want to see the whole truth.

How to figure out if you should definitely go or not

To figure out if the move is really necessary and justified, it’s important to do a few things:

1. Form a list of your needs, building a hierarchy from what must necessarily be realized in the conditions of the new place, to the desired, but not critical.

2. Select cities that correspond to your attributes. It is worth taking into account that each city has its own neighborhoods, sometimes radically different from each other.

3. Calculate the cost of living, which includes: rent/mortgage + utilities, internet, telephone, transportation, consumer basket (food, hygiene, appliances, clothing), entertainment, medical and other services.

4. Take a reconnaissance trip. Does the city really match your ideas about it? Ideally, it is worth asking the locals. It is important to perceive the city as a resident, not as a tourist. For example, the sea is good, but you are unlikely to go there often if it is three hours away, and in a stuffy bus.

5. Agree with your landlord and employer. Do not fall for tempting ads (like – s / p 200 thousand rubles + accommodation and food), if there is no specific proposal. You can write anything in the ad.

6. Compare all prospects with your real conditions and standard of living now. If it is obvious “for the better”, you can try. Good luck!