10 stereotypes imposed from childhood that can make you unhappy all your life

Career counselor, ICF international standards coach

Our brain is organized in such a way that it will always look for external confirmations of inner beliefs. That is why a person’s life depends so much on their psychological attitudes. What is laid down is what is attracted. If these attitudes dictate certain limits, it is in them that a person lives. Most often unhappily, because he does not realize neither his inner potential, nor external opportunities.

Why do so many people live their whole life without the joy of self-realization? Alas, there are many attitudes and beliefs in our heads that narrow the boundaries of the world. They sometimes serve as an excuse not to try.

The situation is complicated by the fact that these “filters of perception” are presented in such formats that are difficult to dismiss. After all, we are talking about the experience of our ancestors, whether recent and/or going back centuries. Using this wisdom, they survived. The established route is safe. The brain will always prefer it.

The important thing to realize here is that everything in this world is evolving. It is development that is life. The ability to see your vector of development is a happy life. To find it, you need to approach it critically.

What attitudes and why can slow us down? We can conditionally divide them into two layers. The first is the relatively recent experience of our ancestors. These are the very sayings that parents like to use. The second is more “seasoned” wisdom. It is about proverbs and sayings.

Proverbs and sayings

1. “You can’t get a fish out of a pond without work.”

Here we see the attitude that work that brings a decent income is always hard work. Does a person who is healthy in every respect want to doom himself to such a thing? Of course not. And in this case it is better to do nothing at all… If only not to face this “labor”.

2. “Where you were born, there you are useful.”

This phrase is so often used that we begin to believe that in fact “we are not expected anywhere/no one needs us”, etc. Even with an internal desire to change location, the belief is often so strong (and frightening to the brain) that external confirmations of this hostility will be found.

3. “Better a tit in hand than a crane in the sky.”

If you have a dream, it is better to forget about it. This is how this wisdom can be interpreted. The fear here is that in pursuit of the very “crane” one can lose the “tit” – that is, something available and allowing to live somehow. Apparently, there is no need to explain what the problem is here… It is precisely in this way – “somehow” – that many people live.

4. “Be quieter than water, lower than grass.”

This proverb persuades us not to show up. The logic is to avoid any trouble by keeping a low profile. Both the logic and the problematics of this approach are obvious. If there is no person, there is no problem. But what kind of life is it if there is no person?

5. “Money spoils people.”

A rich person is an evil person. This attitude is firmly established in literature and cinema. And from this stereotype becomes ironclad. Our mothers and grandmothers are sure that it is impossible to earn a lot of money (only to steal it), and if it falls on the head, it will inevitably corrupt people.

If a child hears all this from childhood, he may unconsciously avoid financial success. It will seem to him that it will require from him some unworthy actions and will destroy relations with his relatives. And no one thinks about the mechanisms of this “money debauchery”….

Sayings for every day

Every family has its own set. Surely you can remember right now a couple of quotes “from mom’s/dad’s”. These are the very phrases that “explain everything” and do not imply discussion. By absorbing them from childhood, one learns exactly the same harmful behavioral strategies (with oneself and the world) and narrows one’s boundaries.

There can be scraps of those very proverbs and sayings, and something from the movies… Most often they are very short literary forms. Let’s sort out some of the favorites.

1. “What does it mean not to want? Through not wanting.”

Here we learn to do violence to ourselves all the time. We get used to the idea that our personal needs and desires mean nothing. From here, it’s a straight road to an unloved job and a lack of understanding of what your development path is.

2. “You were born into the wrong family” (i.e. – without a “golden spoon in your mouth”)

Here we will always be hampered and limited by the feeling that without special patronage in terms of career you will not achieve anything. There is also a risk of justifying some failures and giving up quickly, appealing to the fact that everything is in vain, because – see the phrase above.

3. “Have not lived richly, nothing to start.”

Here there is an addiction to the fact that it is somehow calmer without money. You have tried to earn it, you have made some bumps… The reason for failure is seen as something from the category of karmic predetermination.

4. “Do we need much?”

The phrase is philosophical. Using it wisely, one can achieve enlightenment. Alas, most often it is uttered in order to teach a child to be satisfied with little, without claiming more. Hence the underestimation of oneself.

5. “This is not for us.”

This phrase can also sound in a positive way. For example, to say that a person knows exactly what is good for him and his family. If it is uttered with a mood similar to the one described above, it also lays the foundation for low self-esteem.

How to get rid of stereotypes

Plan of Action:

• Recognize the fact that the negative attitude exists;
• find external refutations of this attitude. For example, if we are talking about the attitude about hard work, without which it is impossible to gain financial independence, it is worth talking to successful people of different professions. Ask about the lifestyle of, say, a soccer blogger or fitness instructor. Find those who are engaged in a truly favorite occupation;
• talk through, or better yet, write down what the new, positive attitude should sound like;
• repeat the positive attitude until it “pops” into your head on automatic.