How to overcome a black streak in life? Step-by-step plan from a psychologist

Trouble doesn’t come alone. Sometimes it comes with a whole tabor of problems and small failures. A traffic accident, dismissal, discord in relationships, a cold… We can only wonder: “Where did I take a wrong turn and hit the black spot?”.

• Causes of a black streak in life

• How do you get through a rough patch?

Psychologist, Narrative Therapist, Psychodemia expert.

“A black streak is the name given to a series of crises coming one after another. Of course, there is no such term in evidence-based psychology. After all, even a large number of negative events can be just a series of accidents. However, there will be many who want to argue, because life experience screams the opposite. Indeed, the reason for a black streak in life can be not only coincidences”.

Causes of a black streak in life

Someone believes that the black streak in our lives comes at the fault of fate, which wants to teach a person a lesson. Let’s omit the “scientificity” of this idea. It is much more important that a series of failures can indeed have psychological reasons. Let’s consider some of them.

Tunnel thinking

This is a cognitive distortion where a person notices only certain facts and rejects anything that contradicts them. Tunnel thinking is related to the phenomenon of perception, where we only see what we pay attention to.

For example, if you buy a new car, you are likely to start paying attention to autos of the same color and make. This happens because attention becomes more sensitive to information that is related to current interests. The same thing can happen after a sad event. A person experiencing, for example, deterioration of health or an accident, because of a depressed mood can become more sensitive to negative information – start to notice that in other areas of life is not all smooth.

In addition, we pay attention to what is more in line with our expectations. When the forecast is disappointing, even if something joyful happens, we will not pay attention to it. But the reaction to a negative event will be vivid: “I knew it!”.

Minimal activity and social isolation

In crisis situations, strangely enough, intuition may not be the best counselor. For example, when we’re grieving about something (like getting fired), we want to shut ourselves off from the world and spend some time alone. For a short distance, this can really help. But, if the isolation drags on, it robs us of the positive emotions of seeing friends, movies, or museums. Every time we decide to “wait out the storm” without leaving the apartment, we are also deprived of fresh air. This harms both our physical well-being and our psychological well-being. We prevent the production of “natural antidepressants”, endorphins, which could reduce stress and improve mood.

Impulsiveness in stressful situations

It’s really hard to act thoughtfully under stress. And if it builds up over months or years, we may stop noticing it at all. Until we snap …

In such a situation, it is not surprising that all areas of life can fall like a house of cards. For example, because of work problems, we “snap at our partner” – we talk more sharply, are rude or start yelling. As a result, because of professional troubles at work, personal life suffers. On emotions after a quarrel we get into the car and… get into an accident.

Depression

The statement “my life is in a black streak” is sometimes really based on facts, but sometimes – on subjective feelings. Fatigue, apathy, sadness and loss of interest in your affairs and hobbies can actually be symptoms of a disease – depression. In this case, everything that happens will really be seen “in black color”.

Depression can occur as a reaction to prolonged stress, grief or loss. It becomes an aggravating factor in any situation and can turn a single episode into a prolonged black streak.

How do you survive a black streak?

Sad events, failures and setbacks happen in everyone’s life. At least if you live long enough.

Sometimes we encounter events that take time to get over. You can’t just get over a divorce, a car accident, or a robbery in a day. But that doesn’t mean we are completely helpless. There are several ways to help yourself out of a crisis.

Step 1: Step on the brakes

Problems are perceived more acutely when we are tired or exhausted. When a snowstorm hits us along the way, the best thing we can do is wait it out. Don’t blame yourself if you decide to give up all your activities that aren’t necessary right now to sustain life. Continue with your daily routine, but don’t overexert yourself.

If you’re used to a fast pace of life, you can always return to it when the troubles settle down.

To avoid going to the other extreme and giving up any activity at all, check in with your routines (at least on a physical level): are you eating well, moving enough, and sleeping enough.

Step 2: Back up

Look at everything that happened in retrospect. What was the worst thing that happened? What did this situation teach you? How would you like to prepare yourself so it will be easier next time?

We don’t try to turn the bad into good, remove the negative thoughts and “see only the positive”, we don’t try to devalue the pain, sadness or anger from the situation. It all stays, but we pay attention to the lessons that are realistically learned. For example, a layoff can be the start of a new professional life that is more interesting.

Of course, at first glance, it’s hard to find anything good in setbacks and losses. But, if you look carefully, experiencing difficulties opens new knowledge about yourself and the world, helps to develop and grow.

Use your experience. How have you gone through black streaks, changes, troubles in your life before? What helped you to cope faster? And what only made things worse?

Step 3: Find your route

Change is a part of life. We can get angry and try to fight it for a long time, but the fact remains that many things in the world change without our input or permission. That doesn’t mean you should put your hands down. On the contrary, it’s much more effective to focus on the things we have some control over.

Make two lists. On the first, write down everything you can’t control and give yourself permission not to worry about it. In the second, everything you can control. For example, if you need a job: you can’t influence the job market, you can’t force a company to call you back or offer you a job. However, you have the power to control how much time and energy you spend on your job search, which jobs to apply for, how to improve your skills, and more.

Look for traveling companions. Sometimes in times of adversity, we want to withdraw into ourselves. Or we don’t want to make other people uncomfortable by looking upset. But you don’t have to go it alone. It’s easier to get through a rough patch by asking for support. It can be literal help or a simple friendly conversation. Even if the person you turn to isn’t able to solve these problems, a willingness to listen without criticism or judgment is enough.

Sometimes it feels like the rough patch will never end, but hardships don’t last forever. Don’t criticize yourself for how you are coping. Caring and showing gentleness to yourself is an important part of coping with a crisis. At the very least, when faced with a rough patch, you were able to not give up and kept going through life. That’s a lot to take in.