7 signs that your inner child needs healing

psychologist, gestalt therapist

The inner child lives in every person. It is responsible for creativity and joy of life. Alas, most people have it scarred by resentments and disappointments. How to realize that your inner child needs to be healed? And most importantly – what do you need to do for this?

To begin with, let’s understand the essence of the term itself. The concept of “inner child” was introduced by Eric Byrne. In analytical psychology and transactional analysis there is the idea that the child, adult and parent are parts of a person’s personality. They are three ego-states – three sub-personalities that alternate in different situations. Sometimes they can act simultaneously.

1. Deinner child is responsible for dreams, emotions, fears, and creativity. It is important for this subpersonality to feel safe. If this ego state is dominant, the person becomes anxious.

2. The inner parent speaks inthe voice of our moms, dads, and teachers. This subpersonality is responsible for traditions, morals, behavioral norms and rules. It manifests negatively as self-injury and self-criticism.

3. Deinner adult is the healthy part of the personality. It is responsible for logic, analysis, and realism. It is this subpersonality that objectively evaluates reality without fears and illusions. The adult weighs pros and cons, calculates risks.

To feel happy, it is necessary to maintain a balance between the child, the adult and the parent. However, of all these parts, it is the child that most people have traumatized. How do you realize this is about you?

Signs that the inner child is traumatized

1. Fear of being abandoned

This is one of the most common signs that indicate the inner child is traumatized. The fear of being abandoned leads to co-dependent relationships with others. Such people cling to others with all their might. The person does not feel safe.

2. Problems with personal boundaries

Pay attention to your boundaries. They can be both weak and rigid. Reason – in childhood scolded for expressing themselves, their feelings and thoughts. Violated personal space, constantly controlled. The result is a false idea that this is normal.

In adulthood, a person chooses one of two behavioral strategies. Either he does not know how to protect his boundaries, or he builds walls between himself and others.

3- Feeling ashamed of one’s emotions

Shame is one of the most toxic emotions. Causes: adults offended in childhood, neglected desires, suffered physical or psychological abuse. The child develops feelings of guilt. He mistakenly believes that he is “bad”, and therefore – all to blame.

If an adult is ashamed to show sadness, anger, or other emotions, this is a clear sign that your child needs healing.

4- Lack of trust

The person lacks trust in others and the world. There is a feeling that danger is waiting everywhere. Low self-esteem even leads to a lack of trust in oneself. Why? It is again about the devaluation and humiliation experienced in childhood. Perhaps the child was abandoned by his parents.

5. Conflict avoidance

This manifests itself in the fear of disappointing loved ones or coworkers. A pattern of conflict avoidance behavior is developed. The problem here is that a person’s self-image depends on the opinions and evaluations of others. The reason – in childhood it was important to hear that you are good.

6. Presence of addictions

Addictions appear when an adult tries to hide the pain from childhood. It is easier for him to drown out his feelings in every possible way.

7. Anxiety state

If the inner child is wounded, this is reflected in a person’s behavior. For example, in the form of worry, fear and anxious state. In turn, this leads to the person attracting the same kind of people to him/her. For example, a woman may enter into a relationship with abusers.

How to heal it

When we heal this subpersonality, repressed feelings are released and behavior patterns change. The result is increased self-esteem and self-respect. One feels happy and fulfilled. So how do you help your inner child?

Rescue Plan

1. Go through your childhood photos and videos. Look at yourself as a child, read your diaries, talk to your parents. Remember what you were like. Observe your feelings while doing this. What are they? Tenderness and joy? Or is it resentment, pain? It is important to bring up displaced emotions.

2. Start doing the things you loved to do as a child. Remember how you liked to spend your time. Build these activities into your schedule.

3. In general – get more into creative activities. Drawing, singing, or modeling – anything will do. As an adult, it’s important to reset your head, to disconnect from external problems.

4. Apply a special meditation. Sit comfortably. Close your eyes. Breathe slowly and calmly. Visualize a safe space. Invite your child into it. Imagine what he looks like, how he behaves. You can ask him what he would like. Embrace your inner child.

5. Write a letter to your inner child. The text of the message can be of any nature. You can remember resentments, disappointments, and hurts. Talk to it through a piece of paper.

6. Spend more time with your children. Play, draw, socialize, ride carousels, watch cartoons. Rejoice in the little things. Live in the here and now. How does it work? During playtime, childhood fantasies pop up in the imagination, which can trigger helpful thoughts and important memories.

7. If it’s difficult, see a counselor. A specialist can help you sort out childhood resentments and work through fears.