Neurocoach – on how to identify and realize the desires that we do not admit even to ourselves

neurocoach

“Each of us has desires that we easily realize, but also in the presence of others – those about which we do not tell anyone, and sometimes afraid to admit them even to themselves. They are carefully hidden by us. But everything secret, as we know, sooner or later becomes apparent. And in this case, the first scenario is much more preferable. The sooner we recognize repressed desires, the less destruction they will cause.

Repressed desires are accumulated emotional needs that we deny. This can include any area of life, from love, relationships and sex to fame, recognition, self-actualization, work and hobbies. Constantly suppressing desires is detrimental to mental and physical health. It can cause depression, anxiety, fears, headaches, panic attacks, high blood pressure.

If a person cannot realize his desires for a long time, he gradually develops problems with self-esteem and self-confidence. As a result, the will is suppressed, he begins to avoid new opportunities, stop halfway. Therefore, it is important to learn to realize and gradually realize your desires.

How to work with them?

• Defirst step is to recognize that our desire or dream is part of life. This is normal. You should not deny their existence and importance.
• The second step is to determine that you really want to separate someone else’s or imposed desires from your own. To do this, you can ask yourself simple questions: “What do I really want? What will happen when I get it? How will my life change when I have it?”. And sincerely answer them to yourself.
• The third step is to identify the reason why you cannot realize your desires. To do this, you can ask yourself: “Why don’t I have this? How else can I get it?”. And think of ways you can overcome the obstacle, what ways of realization exist.

Perhaps you have fears and beliefs that prevent you from going forward, or negative experiences from the past. Stories from family and friends about their failures, or even a stupid movie you once watched and believed in – everything can play a role. The third step is to work with limitations, fantasies and traumas rather than the goal.

Next, you can put your dreams down on paper, visualize yourself in a realized situation. Or make a moodboard with your desires, look at it, recognize their presence and remind yourself of them.

Sometimes it makes sense to discuss your desires with friends or relatives, who will definitely not criticize and devalue you, but will listen to you carefully and suggest how they would act in your place. You can ask them to support you on your way to your goal. You can work out together how this support will be expressed: calls, conversations, reminders or celebrating mini victories together. Either way, it’s easier to go after your goals and dreams with someone than alone. The most important thing is to turn to those who will definitely understand and support you.

If when you meet with difficulties you suppress your desires and forget about them, it does not solve the problem. You just get a reprieve. Your desires, whether they are realized or not, will remain present until you satisfy them. They will remind you of themselves in the form of internal conflicts and struggles, emotional breakdowns, exhaustion, or sudden illnesses.

For example, you want to be a respected person or a famous writer, an expert. This is a natural need for recognition. Until it is satisfied, you will live in some tension. Its strength will be equal to the difference between the desired status and the one you actually have.

A healthy person strives to reduce this tension by his own efforts and goes forward, continuing to act in spite of everything. But if he does not believe in himself, his will is suppressed by traumas and limitations, then the energy will be wasted or will go to self-destruction. The inner struggle with oneself and one’s contradictions takes a huge amount of energy.

How to identify them?

If you can not identify your own repressed desires, you can use the help of specialists. Some of the most effective methods of determining hidden needs are psychological tests or MAC-cards. They resemble a game where we simply choose pictures, but this is how our state is interpreted.

To work with the unconscious, where all unrealized dreams are stored, complex ambiguous images are used. For example, Rorschach ink blot pictures. The Rorschach test will tell you what is going on in your head right now and what desire you need to realize. The method is interesting because the images stimulate free associations, similar in content to dreams. On the basis of the stories that arise in the subject’s head, you can tell a lot about his or her personality. The method itself is very simple. It’s a one-question test: “What do you see?”.

In Rorschach cards a person creates his own visual meanings, as each of us has his own life experience and unrealized desires. Anyone in the helping profession knows how to use this test both online and offline.