What is friendship and how to learn to make friends - psychologist's advice

“Don’t have a hundred rubles, but have a hundred friends”, “Friends know each other in trouble”, “Tell me who your friend is and I’ll tell you who you are”. We have all heard these sayings and seem to know exactly what we are talking about. Who is a friend? Of course – it is the one who in “trouble will not abandon and does not ask too much”. But is it that simple? Let’s find out together with an expert.

psychologist, teacher of psychological counseling skills in the online school “Psychodemia”

“In the hustle and bustle of modern life, when technology and social networks play a key role in communication, the topic of friendship remains an important and integral part of our existence.

It is a weighty aspect that has a significant impact on our well-being and emotional state. It is a mutual emotional and social connection that can transform our days and make them more fulfilling.

But, what is friendship? Why do some people have it and others don’t?”

Aristotle, whose ideas stretch through the ages, considered friendship an essential element of a happy and fulfilling life. His views on friendship as a “unity of souls” and “one soul dwelling in two bodies” have left an ineffable influence on the understanding of this phenomenon.

Erich Fromm, a psychoanalyst and sociologist, offered his own perspective, speaking of friendship as a path to individual and collective harmony. His work reveals the close connection between the inner harmony of the individual and the ability to build real, deep relationships with others.

Carl Rogers, the famous psychotherapist, expanded our understanding of friendship by focusing on its role in self-discovery and personal growth. He proposed the idea that openness, empathy, and conditional positive regardianship are essential elements that foster the development of long-term, balanced relationships.

I propose to unravel what friendship is by exploring its philosophical, psychological, and sociological dimensions. We will unlock the secrets of the strong bonds that connect people and delve into the intricacies of the art of being a friend in today’s society.

What is friendship?

Friendship is not just superficial contact between people. It is a relationship based on mutual trust, deep understanding of each other, ability to work together and willingness to share joys and difficulties.

Psychologists emphasize that friendship contributes to the development of our personal potential and provides emotional support in difficult moments.

How to distinguish friendship from other types of communication and what is significant in the friendship of two people? Let’s deal with.

1. Mutual understanding and empathy

Friendship begins with a subtle understanding and empathy. The ability to listen and perceive the other person’s feelings and thoughts creates a special bond that is exclusive to friendship. In these moments of understanding, a special relationship is born that is resilient to time and change.

2. Loyalty and trust

Friendship is strengthened on the basis of loyalty and trust. When you know that your friend is there for you in joy and sorrow and that your secret is not just a word but a sacred part of your bond, you realize you have found a true friend.

3. Shared interests and respect

Shared interests and respect for each other’s individuality create a strong foundation for friendship. It’s not only sharing experiences and ideas, but also respecting what makes everyone unique. Friendship thrives in an atmosphere of mutual admiration and understanding.

4. Support in difficult moments

True friendship shows up in difficult times when life presents us with challenges. It is at such times that true friends come to the rescue, ready to support us.

5. Ability to resolve conflicts

Conflicts are inevitable, but it is the ability to resolve them while maintaining the friendship that makes it long lasting and strong. Discussing disagreements with respect and understanding becomes the key to ensuring that the friendship will get through any challenges.

6. Mutual growth and development

Friendship is not only about stability but also about moving forward together. Mutual support for goals, dreams, and aspirations helps both grow and develop.

What does science say about friendship?

In the modern context, the views described above become the foundation for understanding friendship as a complex phenomenon, saturated with ethical, emotional and social aspects. What do scientific minds think about this topic?

1. Susan Pinker and social relationships

Susan Pinker, renowned psychologist and author of How the Mind Works, emphasizes the social nature of friendship. She sees it as part of a wide range of social relationships essential to our emotional well-being. Interactions with friends, according to Pinker, shape our perceptions of the world and ourselves.

2. David Myers and the psychology of friendship

David Myers, a renowned American psychologist, emphasizes the role of friendship in psychological well-being in his research. He emphasizes that friendship helps to reduce stress, improve mood and maintain mental health. In the context of friendship psychology, Myers highlights it as an important factor in our psychological balance.

3. George Simmel and the philosophy of intimacy

Philosopher George Simmel, who studied social interactions, proposed a unique philosophy of intimacy in friendship. He saw it as a space where we can be ourselves, freeing ourselves from social roles and expectations. In his writings, friendship becomes an intimate zone where our true self is formed.

The research of these scholars deepens our understanding of friendship, allowing us to look at it from different angles, from social interaction to the inner psychological state. Friendship is not only the contact of souls, but also the “fabric of society,” a fundamental part of our existence that remains eternal in the multidimensionality of time.

Thus, friendship is a complex social construct based on the interaction of several key aspects. At the same time, aspects of friendship are formed from different temporal points. Let us consider the different types of friendship.

Childhood friendship

It is the first experience of social bonding and plays a key role in a child’s development. It is in childhood that the foundations of mutual understanding and tolerance are laid, which will be relevant in adulthood.

Psychologists such as Lev Vygotsky and Jacques Piaget emphasize that childhood friendship is an integral part of a child’s social development. It forms the basis for successful interpersonal relationships in the future.

What is the basis of children’s friendship?

Mutual play and joy. Children enter into friendships through play, the primary mechanism of early interaction. It can be simple, but it involves the joy of interaction. For example, in the park, two four-year-olds discover a common interest in a ball and, while laughing and playing, begin to bond and bond with each other.
Shared adventures and emotions. Child friendships arise from shared adventures and experiences. When kids explore a mysterious corner of the playground together, their mutual excitement and joy create a strong bond.
Mutual help and support. Friendships between children often manifest themselves in moments of mutual help. For example, if one is limited in his or her choice of toys, the other will often share his or her own without hesitation, setting an example of mutual aid.
Unconditional acceptance. Children accept each other for who they are. The example of friendship between children shows that there is no room for prejudice or criticism in their world. They are friends simply because they enjoy it.
Development of social skills. Children’s friendships play an important role in building social skills. Interaction with other children teaches communication, conflict resolution, and the ability to work in a team.

School friendships

It can be the foundation for long-term relationships. This type of friendship is often centered on shared interests and hobbies, as well as studying and supporting each other through it.

According to Albert Bandura’s social learning theory, friendships play an important role in school. Interaction with friends influences the formation of norms and values as well as the development of social skills. This social adaptation based on interactions with others influences the adolescent’s personal construct, determining how he or she relates to the world and self.

Moreover, Lev Vygotsky emphasized the importance of communication and social support in the learning process. School friends become partners not only in learning, but also on the path of self-discovery and self-development.

What do school friendships stand on?

Common hobbies and interests. School friends are often united by common hobbies, be it a love of music, sports or literature.
Overcoming difficulties together. Shared difficulties in academics or personal life can strengthen the bond between friends.
Mutual support. School friends often become each other’s support during times of stress and uncertainty. Psychologist John Bowlby emphasized that a person who received support in childhood is more resilient to the stress of adulthood.

Professional friendships

Professional friendships are formed in the workplace that often influence work performance. Working together creates common goals and interests. This fosters greater communication, teamwork, and challenge.

The support and rapport inherent in this type of relationship is described in the research of Daniel Gouldman, known for his work in emotional intelligence.

Professional friends not only contribute to emotional stability, they can be valuable allies on the path to achieving career goals.

What do professional friendships stand for?

Mutual support and motivation. In the business world, professional friends become trusted allies in achieving career goals.
Sharing knowledge and experience. Professional friends not only share successes, but also exchange valuable knowledge and experience. This trait is especially important in a rapidly changing business world.
Creating a positive organizational climate. Professional friendships foster a positive organizational climate. A team where there is mutual understanding and trust is more efficient and productive.
Development of career opportunities. Professional friends can be a key link in expanding your network of contacts and opening new opportunities.

Adult friendships

Adult friendships are often based on shared values, life experiences and mutual understanding. In this case, the person becomes someone who supports us in times of personal and professional change. This idea is supported by Urban Lindsley’s concept of transitivity. He believes that friendship is not only a source of emotional support, but also a placebo that reduces stress and increases life satisfaction.

John Gottman’s Relationship Psychology also emphasizes the role of friendship in sustainable relationships. It is a big one. Adults who are friends share not only joys but also deal effectively with conflict. This strengthens bonds and creates harmonious relationships.

What do adult friendships stand on?

Intertwining life paths. Adult friends often experience important life moments together. This strengthens their bond, making them more resilient to change.
Deep mutual understanding. Over the years, adult friends develop a unique understanding that is incomparable to other forms of intimacy. They can recognize each other’s emotional state almost instantly, which becomes the basis for mutual support and understanding.
Co-maturation. Adult friends go through stages of maturity together, which enriches their views of the world.
Warm gatherings and traditions. Adult friends emphasize get-togethers and shared traditions despite busy schedules. For example, they always celebrate New Year’s Eve together, which becomes a symbol of their enduring friendship.

How to make friends as an adult?

In the hustle and bustle of adult life, saturated with work, family responsibilities and everyday worries, it is not so easy to make new acquaintances. But this art can be mastered at any age. Let’s look at strategies and approaches to expanding your social circle.

Openness to new things. Being open and ready to make new acquaintances is key. Look at your social circle from a different perspective. Be open to encounters that can add variety to your life.
Participate in events. Get involved in local events and special interest clubs. This could be a local book club, an arts interest group, or even a gym. People gathered around a common interest often create a warm atmosphere for socializing.
Active use of social media. Today’s technology provides ample opportunities for dating. Join local social media groups, ask questions, participate in discussions. Attend events organized through online platforms.
Take initiative. Don’t be afraid to take the initiative to meet new people. Invite coworkers to lunch, offer to spend the weekend together, or start a group to do something together. Simple suggestions can be the start of a great friendship.
Volunteering. Participating in volunteer projects is not only a noble cause, but also a great opportunity to meet like-minded people. Working together as a team to achieve a common goal can be the basis for lasting friendships.
Participation in educational projects. Registering for courses and seminars can not only be useful for personal development, but also provide an opportunity to meet new people. Educational environments often facilitate the exchange of ideas and the creation of long-lasting connections.

What’s the most important thing to do here? Understand – where there is openness, activity and willingness to make new acquaintances, friends will appear. Don’t be shy about taking the initiative. If up until now you thought that it is too late for adults to make friends, you were wrong. Friendship has a place in everyone’s life. At any age.