How to recognize that you are being taken advantage of: clear signs and self-defense tips

The process of using another person for the realization of one’s own plans, provided that he or she does not need it personally, is today commonly referred to as manipulation. It is about forcing someone to go against their own interests in order to support someone else’s interests.

For the manipulator, of course, it is profitable. For the one who is called to fulfill his will, such things can have bad consequences: from a banal waste of personal resources to health problems. After all, when we do what we do not want, the psyche and body are bound to react. How not to let yourself be used?

Counseling psychologist, career counselor

Don’t silence feelings if there is a clear sense of discomfort. Build boundaries and don’t forget about your true desires. The main thing is to learn how to identify the mechanisms of influence and get out from under the influence in time.

To begin with, let’s realize that this is not always bad. For example, to instill in a child the habit of cleaning up after his toys or go to bed on time – creative parental manipulation. Virtually all learning is built on this kind of influence.

When is it negative? The danger is the hidden impact on a person’s behavior, inner values, resources, and self-identity.

How are we being used?

Technique #1. Keeping us from thinking

Usually communication is hasty, moving quickly to other topics. The goal of manipulation is to force an action. The longer a person will think about whether he needs it himself – the higher the risk that he will not give in.

What to do? If someone rushes you with an answer and provokes you to quick action, just take a time-out – count to 50. During this time, awareness will turn on.

Technique #2. Putting your guard down

To get something out of a person, you need to praise them. You may be complimented. That’s fine. But you have to learn to see the flattery for what it is.

How to be? It’s important to know everything about yourself. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. The more we do not accept negativity, the more pleasant it is for us to hear something positive. We need to cultivate adequacy in ourselves and not depend on other people’s approval.

Technique #3. Depict weakness

The psyche is so organized that when communicating with an exhausted person we immediately want to help him, to give in. This is how manipulators and put to sleep the vigilance of their victims. That you were used, it will become clear when someone else’s will will be executed. Weakness will go somewhere.

What do we do? Here to recognize the truth is not so easy. Be careful, compare the facts you know about the person. Also remember that even the weak need to help only if you yourself are now strong enough.

Technique #4. Pour uncontrollable anger

A person who is directed by unexpected aggression, there will be a desire to quickly calm down the one who is angry. In such situations, we tend to subconsciously make concessions.

How to be? Use tactics of unpredictable behavior. If a person does not expect from you an outburst of negativity, then safely turn on the internal aggressor. You can also stun him with complete indifference. Just break contact.

Technique #5. Using the effect of “information storm”

A person is bombarded with a stream of useless information, in which the truth is lost. This avalanche causes fatigue and, as a consequence, unwillingness to analyze. Rational thinking shuts down.

What to do? Stop such things. Protect your psyche. Do not be afraid to appear ill-mannered or stupid.

How do you realize you’re being used?

1. Unpleasant feelings

If during communication you notice that there are reactions on the emotional and physical levels, it is worth listening to it. What can be? Tension of facial muscles, the appearance of nausea, a rush of negative feelings, a desire to leave. All of this means one thing – the person is trying to violate your personal boundaries.

2. Anxiety

Emotional swings from aggression to wanting to cry can indicate manipulation. This also indicates a violation of boundaries.

3. Acting against your desires

Denying your personal needs is a clear sign that you are being covertly influenced by someone.

The golden rule, which is useful to learn in order not to fall for the manipulation of others: do not take on someone else’s responsibility and do not play the rescuer.