New Year’s Eve alone: I allowed myself not to dance half a day in the kitchen and not to decorate the tree

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“Celebrating the most festive day of the year with family or a rowdy group of friends is logical and customary, but life sometimes throws up different circumstances.”

I’ve always been a very family-oriented person. My parents like to remember how little Lyuba even adults in moments of sadness ran to embrace and comfort, patting a tiny palm on the back.

I always celebrated New Year holidays only in the family circle, first with my relatives, then with my husband. We were together for 11 years, from the very student, and even fulfilled a common dream – moved from cold Siberia to a beautiful city near the Baltic Sea. And got divorced. It happens.

I found myself alone, sadly realizing that I hadn’t spent much time on my own goals during my marriage and it was time to fix that. I had a professional blog that I channeled all my energies into. To stand financially, and at the same time to distract myself from the baggage of heavy emotions.

After six months of hard work, I raised my eyes from the monitor to the window and saw snow, shining garlands on the neighbor’s windows. The New Year was approaching.

I wondered how to be, to fly six thousand kilometers to my relatives? For some reason I wanted to face my loneliness instead, to stop hiding from it in my work affairs. I realized that this was the perfect opportunity to have a new experience! What it will be, positive or negative – depends only on me.

Why not do something only for myself and according to my own rules, if I had such a chance? For the first time in my life I allowed myself not to dance half a day in the kitchen and not to decorate the Christmas tree. I don’t like it! Instead, I bought a beautiful pajama suit, cut only my favorite olivier, and uncorked a bottle of sparkling wine.

Closer to midnight I lit a candle, took a piece of paper and under the atmospheric songs of Frank Sinatra wrote out how much I managed to do for the year, what to overcome: to survive a divorce, to stay in my favorite city by the sea, instead of working as a curator in other people’s projects to launch my own.

When the chimes struck, I looked at the written sheet and was proud of myself.

There were many beautiful New Year’s nights in my life, and this is one of them. After all, we are not truly alone, but in the company of people with whom we are not on the same path. My January began with a victory over loneliness, and in the coming year there are people around me who are kin not by documents, but by heart. Wishes made at the festive midnight come true.

Psychologist’s opinion

systemic family therapist, expert of the online school of psychological professions “Psychodemia”

“How to support yourself in turning points? The first thing to do is to recognize reality: it has changed. This applies to any unpleasant event, whether it is the departure of loved ones, moving or turmoil at work”.

For example, if you broke up with a loved one, it is important to realize that the relationship is really over. It is necessary to give yourself the opportunity to grieve, that is, to spill out the emotions that you feel on this occasion.

Practices with a letter expressing gratitude or anger about something help in this. The message is not sent anywhere, but it allows you to spill out those feelings that allow you to live and enjoy joyful moments.

You can follow the example of the heroine, who saw a new reality, her true goals and desires. After all, we often do something because it is so right and accepted. For example, Lyuba decided to celebrate the New Year in her own way. Not with her family or cooking a festive table, but alone with herself and her difficult feelings.

In difficult moments, it’s important to realize what you really want right now. Give yourself permission to go after your desires. Don’t forget to pay attention to your body as well. There are a few basic things that will help with this:

• how much and how we sleep affects our physical and emotional well-being. Go to bed no later than 10 p.m. and ventilate the room beforehand. Put your phone away at night and read or listen to music instead. This will calm the mind;
• Before going to bed, you can do breathing practices, such as breathing square: inhale for two counts, hold your breath for two counts and exhale for two counts. This practice helps you to concentrate on your breathing and relax;
• drink warm water in the morning, and during the day drink a glass of water once an hour;
• for grounding, i.e. accepting reality, perform body patting for a minute. Gently and gently tap all its parts with the palm of your hand;
• to distract from thoughts and focus on the present allows the practice of graunding. Go to the window and look at the details, naming each object that catches your eye.

If you can not cope with the situation yourself, be sure to contact specialists. They will help you through a difficult period in your life.