Why does it seem like everyone around you is better and happier than you? Is it really so

“A colleague’s salary is higher, a neighbor’s car is cooler, and a friend’s husband is more handsome” – such thoughts put an end to attempts to enjoy life.

Comparison is the scourge of modernity. Alas, it usually does not work in your favor, because conclusions are most often made by stories and pictures in social networks. There, of course, everything is embellished. Is it worth believing? Yes, and is it necessary to do all this at all?

psychologist, developer of the theory of adaptive intelligence.

It’s normal to compare yourself to others. Problems begin when, instead of joy and gratitude, the focus of attention shifts to the negative aspects of one’s life. A devaluation of personal merit occurs. Try to reduce the time spent observing other people’s successes and focus on your own accomplishments.

In the age of popularity of social networks, when almost every profile demonstrates “successful success”, it is difficult to maintain an objective view of your life. There’s a famous example of a simple guy who assembled computers in his garage and then became an industry leader. Who are we after that?

But it’s important to realize that Steve Jobs is an image created by marketers to increase brand loyalty. The difficulties he overcame in achieving high results are not shown either in screen adaptations of the biography or online.

Don’t look at other people’s successes, appreciate your own. Appreciate personal growth. Only you know what difficulties you had to go through to achieve these results. To learn to appreciate yourself, it’s important to understand the reasons that drive you to constantly raise the bar.

Why do we devalue ourselves?

1. Negative parenting strategies

A child hears from childhood: “You could have done better”, “It was clear from the start that you would do everything wrong again”. These phrases reduce the will to win, make you doubt your abilities. In adulthood, they turn into psychological attitudes, forcing to focus on personal failures and failures.

2. toxic environment

American sociologist Charles Cooley developed the theory of “mirror self”, according to which we form an opinion about ourselves based on the feedback we receive from others. If our boss yells at us, our partner ignores us, and our friends make hurtful jokes, we conclude that we are not a very successful person.

A loser by definition can’t be happier than others, so the psyche starts looking for confirmation that you have no reason to be happy.

3- Unwillingness to take responsibility

Happiness and luck must be able to dispose of, competently support and increase them. A person can indulge himself with dreams of future success, but really have no desire to change something in his life. Then it seems that it is easier to “bring down the price” of merits, to leave everything as it is with a clear conscience.

4. Fear of losing everything

“Do not laugh – then you will cry,” – another negative attitude instilled by society. If you recognize happiness and rejoice in good fortune, then something bad is bound to happen later. This is what happens when thinking lacks the flexibility to adapt to new, even good, conditions.

How to learn to rejoice in success

• Find and analyze your negative attitudes. Some of them may have worn themselves out.

• Build personal boundaries.

• Start socializing with successful and positive people. Close acquaintance will allow you to consider the strategies of their behavior, will show ways to overcome problems.

• Work on self-esteem.

• To learn to adapt to external changes.

To learn to notice your happiness, you need to shift the focus of attention from others to the development and improvement of your own personality. Then comparisons from reasons for frustration will turn into a tool that allows you to better understand your true desires and discover points of growth.