Why is someone else’s life more important than yours? We tell you all about lifeguard syndrome

psychoanalytical psychologist, CPT, coach

“Rescuer’s syndrome is a psychological condition in which a person seeks to help others to the detriment of their own interests, sacrificing themselves for the good of others. This type of behavior is most often found in people who have increased social responsibility, empathy, and a desire to be helpful.”

In psychology and behavioral sciences, rescuer syndrome is considered a form of altruistic behavior. However, it can also have negative aspects.

People with lifeguard syndrome often ignore their own needs, become exhausted emotionally and physically, and feel constant anxiety and stress about not being able to help everyone at all times.

Caring for people is important. But it is also necessary to find a balance between paying attention to your own needs and the needs of others. On the airplane, we are instructed to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first and then the child.

Remember that caring for your personal well-being is not selfishness, but is essential to your ability to effectively help those around you. Therefore, recognizing your boundaries and knowing how to say “no” are important to prevent burnout and maintain psychological health.

History of the term

The origin of the term “lifeguard syndrome” is usually associated with the field of psychology and psychotherapy. It was first used to describe a specific type of behavior characterized by a relentless drive to help others, often at the expense of one’s own health and well-being. The main reason for this is a hypertrophied desire to be needed.

This phenomenon is closely related to family history, where the personal needs of the future “superhero” were ignored and the main value was care for others to the detriment of their own interests.

In modern realities, psychological terms are increasingly penetrating our everyday life. Often people do not fully understand their meaning.

Some perceive the rescuer syndrome as an expression of altruistic feelings and the desire to help their neighbors. Others see ulterior motives in this behavior. For example, a desire to control others or avoid their own problems.

Approaches to studying the syndrome

Rescuer syndrome is a popular research topic because it is quite common and can have negative consequences for people’s health and relationships. Within psychological research and theories, such a condition is analyzed from different perspectives.

1. Social Psychology. The study of the influence of the environment on the development of lifeguard syndrome, including cultural norms, family upbringing, and other factors that influence the formation of a person’s behavioral patterns.

2- Family Relationship Theory. Research on the relationship between parenting style in childhood and the development of rescuer syndrome. For example, overprotective or controlling adult behavior may be the basis for the development of a sustained desire to help others to the detriment of oneself.

3- Burnout theory. What does it suggest? It is the study of the relationship between lifeguard syndrome and burnout as a result of constant overwork and overstress due to over-involvement in caring for others.

4. Psychodynamic approaches. An analysis of the subconscious motives and conflicts underlying excessive concern for others, based on psychoanalytic theory.

5. Clinical psychology. The study of individual cases of rescuer’s syndrome in order to develop effective methods of diagnosing and treating this condition.

These studies and theories help to better understand the nature of lifeguard syndrome, its possible causes, consequences and ways to overcome it.

Scientific works reveal a wide range of factors that influence the development and manifestation of such a condition. This contributes to the development of more effective methods of psychological help and support for people suffering from lifeguard syndrome.

Various approaches and techniques allow people to recognize and control their inner motivations, learn to build healthy boundaries in relationships with others and maintain emotional balance.

Signs of lifeguard syndrome

People with lifeguard syndrome often exhibit certain personality traits and behaviors.

1- Extreme empathy and sympathy. People with lifeguard syndrome are usually very sensitive to other people’s suffering and problems. They are eager to help others and often feel the emotional state of those around them.

2. Constant willingness to help. People with lifeguard syndrome will always support others, even if it affects their own needs and boundaries. This behavior often has a negative impact on the “superhero” himself. The consequences can be both physiological and psychological. From this comes the next trait.

3. Sacrifice. A constant desire to help, to neglect their own time, effort and even health for the sake of others – the typical behavior of people with lifeguard syndrome.

4. Control and manipulation. Sometimes a person with lifeguard syndrome may try to control the situation and other people, seeking to provide them with help even without their consent. In the home, this will resemble a kind of compulsive behavior, a desire to “do good”.

5. Avoidance of one’s own problems. Often a person with Rescue Syndrome may use constant concern for others as a way of escaping from their own worries and frustrations.

These behaviors can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion. Therefore, it is important to find a balance between caring for others and caring for oneself. One must learn to take responsibility for one’s own life, not just the people around them.

Rescuer syndrome in men and women

In addition to the common features of all “superheroes”, there are behavioral differences. Rescuer syndrome can differ significantly in its intensity and manifestations in women and men. We can especially observe it in partner relationships.

For example, sometimes women have a “maternal instinct”. The desire to take on all the burdens of a man, to justify socially unacceptable behavior, to provide maximum care and attention. All this is about a woman rescuer.

But the constant desire to help and care can become excessive for those who do not want to build co-dependent relationships, where one becomes the aggressor and the other becomes the victim. This eventually leads to the wear and tear on the emotional resources of the loved ones and the dissolution of the union.

Male superheroes often idealize their partners, even if they demonstrate destructive behavior. Girls are presented as weak, innocent victims of their own helplessness. But our superhero is always ready to save his beloved from any trouble. Such relationships are also called co-dependent.

Rescuer syndrome is a serious condition that can affect a person’s mental and emotional well-being, as well as his interaction with others. Understanding its mechanisms is of paramount importance. It allows for the identification and awareness of negative behavioral and emotional patterns that lead to excessive concern for others, ignoring one’s own needs, and fatigue.

Consequences of lifeguard syndrome

It is worth noting that playing lifeguard has significant effects on emotional and mental health. Consider a few of these consequences.

1- Exhaustion and burnout. Constantly caring for others at the expense of one’s own needs can lead to a rapid decline in energy and fatigue. Rescuers are attracted to people who “need help.” They enter into co-dependent relationships. The result is a vicious cycle with no way to exhale.

2. Feelings of helplessness and resentment. Feeling that those around them do not appreciate or recognize the efforts of the person with Rescue Syndrome causes resentment.

3. Lowered self-esteem and self-worth. The constant need to help others can lead to feelings of inadequacy in the person with lifeguard syndrome. A shifted focus of attention hinders the development of one’s own competencies, hobbies, and personality in general. Passive aggression can be a consequence.

In general, lifeguard syndrome has a significant impact on relationships and the emotional state of the person, so it is important to seek support and learn to find a balance between caring for one’s own and others’ needs.

How to get rid of lifeguard syndrome?

Modern psychological science does not stand still. The scientific community has been studying the rescuer phenomenon and ways to deal with it for quite a long time.

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This approach will help a person become aware of and change negative thoughts and behaviors that reinforce the desire to always rescue others.

2. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). This method will help develop skills to regulate emotions, manage stress, and improve relationships with others.

3. Group therapy. Participating in general therapy sessions can help build boundaries, communicate effectively, and find a balance between helping others and self-care.

In addition to working with a professional, it is important to be able to identify areas of growth on your own and strive to develop healthy self-knowledge.

1. Setting Boundaries. It is important to learn how to say “no” and define your personal boundaries in your relationships with others. People who really care about you will not abandon you, even if you don’t drop everything you’re doing and go help them. Those close to you will hear and understand you.

2. Self-analysis. Try to understand where your lifeguard syndrome comes from. Pay attention to your own needs and emotions. Recognize your merits and victories, accept your self worth and significance.

3. Self-care. Be mindful of your physical and emotional well-being. Make time for exercise, meditation, hobbies, or other activities that bring you pleasure. Take responsibility for your life.

4- Seek support. Talk to a psychologist or therapist. Communicating with a professional will identify the causes of the condition and help you develop healthy coping strategies.

Working on managing lifeguard syndrome allows a person to set healthy boundaries in relationships, develop self-care skills, learn how to express needs effectively, and pay attention to their own emotional well-being.

This helps to reduce stress and excessive responsibility. You will also be able to improve your relationships with those around you. Your interactions will be based on respect, support and emotional openness.

Overcoming this condition requires conscious work on yourself, self-discovery and a willingness to change old habits so that life becomes more balanced and emotionally healthy.

Thus, understanding lifeguard syndrome is a key step to personal development, improving the quality of relationships, and ensuring a healthy mental state. Showing self-care, respecting personal boundaries, and harmonizing between helping others and one’s own needs contribute to self-awareness and overall well-being.