How do you get over failure so your psyche doesn’t pull you towards another failure?

body-oriented psychologist

The human psyche is organized in a complex way. It is influenced by positive and negative events of our life. Any emotional experience is stored in the subconscious subcortex and one day makes itself known, causing a conditioned reaction. That is why losing once can multiply failures in the future.

The impact of losing on a person

After failure, self-esteem and self-confidence inevitably suffer. Why does this happen?

Reason 1. There is an attitude from childhood: “It is scary to make mistakes, otherwise you will work as a janitor”. This is characteristic of athletes and people with “excellent student syndrome”. As a result – self-esteem depends solely on the correctness of actions and decisions.

Reason 2. A person does not believe in himself. The internal support is scattered, and there is no understanding of the world. As a result, confidence even in oneself is lost. And thus, self-confidence becomes fragile. This is how dependence on other people’s opinions appears.

Reason 3. Increased sense of responsibility. This negatively affects self-confidence, because there is a constant sense of pressure from the outside. Losing in such conditions is perceived as physical death. A person simply does not see a way out.

psychologist, psychosomatologist

The importance of losing to the psyche depends on the maturity of the individual. An adult personality with a normal level of self-esteem realizes that there are no victories without failures. It is necessary to be ready for any scenario. It is more difficult to survive failure for young people. Why?

The reason is youthful maximalism and the “all or nothing” attitude. They conclude that they are not good enough. If there is no help at this point, there may be a fear of trying again. The brain will begin to stretch the mistaken opinion of themselves (as a professional, an athlete) into other areas of life. The outcome is learned helplessness or even depression.

How to properly survive a loss?

For the negative development of events, it is desirable to prepare in advance. How? Allow for variability. “I aim to win and use all my capabilities. But I realize that there can be any outcome, including a loss.”

The bitterness of defeat will not be so acute, and there will be no claims to oneself. If there was no such preparation, then a person feels as if life has lost its meaning. What to do then?

1. Honestly ask yourself: “What did this victory mean to me and what did I lose by not achieving it?” A common answer is that you’ve diminished your credibility in the eyes of others. But how can the opinions of strangers affect your life? It doesn’t. And the assessment of people close to you will not change under any circumstances.

2. Learn to emphasize not the fact of losing, but the mistakes that led to this result. Analyzing the old strategy and building a new one will help to distract from the bitterness of defeat and set you up for a new struggle. It will help to overcome the fear of new trials (competitions).

Analyze your mistakes. But it is important not to “poke yourself in the nose”, but to look for options to strengthen weaknesses. Write down a plan of action. Why is it necessary? When the brain sees a detailed instruction, it is easier for it to gather itself and start moving forward. This is how it comes to realize that life is not over at this point.

3. Talk through what happened. It is desirable to do it at once, before emotions have gone deep. The process of thinking about it and talking through all the feelings will help you gradually let go of the situation. This is the way our brain works.

4. Only compare yourself to your old self. Think back to how you performed a year ago and how your performance has changed now.