How not to live in the past? 3 basic techniques that will help you become emotionally free

Nostalgia for the past often does not let us go and makes us return to the moments we once experienced again and again. Often the pictures in memory are idealized, embellished. Meanwhile, the events of the “here and now” pass by. People avoid and fear new relationships, job offers, etc.

Of course, the therapeutic effect of pleasant memories cannot be ruled out. Psychologists note that looking at pictures from vacations where you were comfortable, or memories of warm family events can support in a difficult moment of life.

Difficulty arises when a person cannot escape from the captivity of romantic reveries about the past and completely denies the positive aspects of the future. People begin to focus on an ideal moment that has already passed. Parents regret that their children have grown up and become different; adults long for their carefree youthful parties, etc. New opportunities meanwhile pass them by.

How should we treat the past so that it does not interfere with our present life and the future? Let’s find out together with a psychologist.

Business and clinical psychologist

“The first thing to do is to realize and accept that the past has already happened and will not be repeated. It cannot be changed, no matter how hard we try. It is part of our lives, the basis of experience. The past can be a source of joy, pride, gratitude, but it can also be a source of pain, regret, guilt, shame. So let’s deal with it in detail.”

Why do we live in the past?

There are several reasons when a person does not let go of memories and loses the ability, the desire to move on.

1. Unresolved emotions

A person who has experienced a traumatic or painful situation in the past may return again and again to those events because he is unable to deal with the memories. He or she has difficulty letting go of anger, shame, fear, or resentment for allowing or allowing the situation to happen.

For example, people who have experienced the loss of a loved one, a dramatic divorce, cannot let go of thoughts. Unprocessed emotions accumulate and manifest in anxiety, depression, and psychosomatic illnesses.

2. Unfinished Business

With age, a person begins to regret most of all what he did not do: did not talk about feelings, did not dare to make the first step towards an interesting person, did not change his job to a more promising one, etc.

Unspoken feelings and unrealized professional potential for many years can cause a feeling of regret, increase dissatisfaction and sadness from missed opportunities. The situation is aggravated when the inability to notice new perspectives and set new goals is added to another reminiscence and regret about lost time.

3- Idealization of the past

People who face difficulties in the present or fear the future tend to embellish and exaggerate past successes and attribute positive meanings that did not really exist. They stop looking objectively at the past and start to remember only the good moments more often and forget about the bad ones.

Idealization of the past is telling loved ones that things used to be better: they were younger and happier. This situation is characterized by withdrawal into nostalgia and unwillingness to accept the changing conditions of life, to adapt to new situations.

8 signs that you are living in the past

1. Constantly remembering and living past events that cause traumatic emotions or regret.

2. Avoiding the present or future, refusing new opportunities, not wanting new acquaintances.

3. Self-sabotage, self-criticism, lowered self-esteem, resulting guilt and shame for past actions.

4. Blaming others, mistrust, anger, resentment for what people have or have not done in the past.

5. Comparison with others, resulting envy, jealousy, feeling like a failure.

6. Nostalgia and idealization of the past, denying or ignoring problems or difficulties in a bygone time.

7. Keeping things, letters, photos, gifts that remind you of the past and keep you from moving on.

8. Repeating the same mistakes that lead to undesirable outcomes or conflicts.

The more positive answers you give, the more pronounced your past life is. In order to move on, it is important to work through the issues that are holding you back from evolving.

How do you begin to move forward?

The past is not always the enemy of the present. With the right mindset, it can be a source of strength to move forward. The experience gained can be the basis of wisdom to make new decisions.

Remembering happy moments of the past is not only possible, but necessary. It helps to keep in touch with oneself and one’s history, to appreciate what is or was, to enjoy life and to be grateful to fate, people around us and oneself for where we are now.

Remembering the past is useful and enjoyable if done in the following cases.

1. When we want to share our experiences or worries with other people. For example, to talk about our childhood, youth, studies, work, traveling, love.

2. When we want to learn lessons from the past and apply them to the present or future. For example, to avoid repeating them.

3. When we want to restore our energy, mood. For example, to remember our achievements and victories, friends or family, personal hobbies.

4. When we want to honor our ancestors or heritage. To remember where we come from and where our roots are.

In these cases, remembering the past does not prevent us from living in the present, on the contrary, it supports us. It makes us part of a big family, a big country. It motivates and inspires.

Living in the past can be a problem for many people who are unable to let it go and move on. It leads to negative consequences for mental and physical health, for relationships with others, for self-actualization. How then can one break free from the captivity of memories and become emotionally free?

Strategies to stop living in the past

1. Self-reflection

In order to stop being nostalgic about the past, it is important to take time for self-reflection. This skill will allow you to understand your motivations, goals, and values. Self-reflection helps you realize why the past affects you so much. It allows you to identify the moments that are pulling you back and finally accept yourself for who you are.

Self-reflection can be conducted in several formats: keeping a diary of emotions, dialog with yourself, and analysis with a specialist. Everyone chooses the one that is most convenient for him or her. A diary of emotions is the simplest way of self-reflection. For this purpose it is necessary to record thoughts and feelings at the moment of occurrence, and later analyze them.

2. Forgiveness

In order to move forward, it is important to let go of all resentments. Forgiveness is the process of letting go of your anger at situations and people, resentment toward yourself and others. But there is a small clarification. Forgiveness is not about letting go of resentment. It is about letting go of toxic emotions that pull you back every day and destroy the harmony of your soul. Forgiveness is about being able to move on with your life freely, without the weight of betrayal.

Technically simple, but emotionally costly way to forgive: write a letter to the offender or “past self”. Then you should burn the sheet and ask forgiveness from those who have offended you.

3. Harmonizing with the past

To move forward, you can use your past as a springboard rather than an obstacle or threat. Experience, even negative experience, is a valuable resource for further development. Harmonizing with the past helps you begin to appreciate the good things that have happened and use the knowledge gained for self-improvement.

Use meditation, visualization, affirmations and mindfulness practices. They will help to establish harmony and release negative emotions from the past.

You can choose the practices that suit you best, combine them. The main thing is to perform them regularly and consistently. Do not give up your desire to change and stop feeling fear because of the collision with the past. This is how you will be able to let go of what has passed and focus on the present moment.

How will you know if you are doing well?

After doing the practices, you will feel your shoulders square and there is an interest in the future. You will start planning vacations, choosing a work project to your liking. When the past stops weighing you down, you will feel a long-term surge of energy and love for yourself and others. You’ll find it easier to make decisions, accomplish goals, and find new opportunities. You will finally come back to the present and enjoy living in the here and now.

You don’t have to give up your past to live a full and happy life. Accept it for what it was. Free yourself from negative emotions and thoughts. Shift your focus to the present and planning for the future. Living in the past is a choice. Living in the present is also a choice. Choose what makes you happy.