Championship for Dummies: Who will win the 2018 World Cup?

The World Championship has entered its final stage. There are eight games left. 8 most important games. It is already a little sad, because 24 national teams have flown home, their fans have flown away, Messi has flown away, Ronaldo has flown away, Germany has flown away, Germany might not have come. Saransk became Saransk again, Yekaterinburg became Yekaterinburg, and on Nikolskaya Street they are slowly counting how much new lampposts and benches will cost.

But the most important question remains unresolved. Who will be the new world champion in soccer? Let’s try to fantasize and understand this question together with the actor of the show “Improvisation” on TNT Dmitry Pozov.

Russia

Who would have thought that so far we will speculate about the chances of the Russian national team? Usually by this stage our players are sunbathing on the beach. But not this time. We must try and win. Because there is no moustache monument in Russia, because there is no Hero of Russia with the surname Dzyuba. And I also want the Russian national team to win, because then Mario Fernandez will become the world champion. To be born Brazilian and become a world champion in the Russian national team. Hocus pocus. Neymar will grab his head on this occasion, fall to the ground and make it to Rio.

Croatia

To become world champions, they need to knock us out. It’s going to be sad. But we owe them for Euro 2008: a rare case in history, when we didn’t want to play there and did everything for it, and the Croats gave us a ticket. We took bronze out of desperation. Mandzukic, Modric, Rakitic can become champions only in Russia. Palych did. And they can. Not even champions, but champions.

Sweden

But Sweden are unlikely. Judging by the logic of the previous paragraph, they would need Ibrahimovic to win in Russia. But they don’t have him. It turned out, though, that it was even better without him. The Swedes have directly or indirectly eliminated the Netherlands, Italy and Germany from title chances. And even the Albanian team disguised as Switzerland could not do anything about the Swedes. So anything can happen.

England

England comes to win every tournament and every time they go out on penalties. But the World Cup in Russia is special. Even the English managed to win on penalties. England were so worried about being beaten, poisoned or insulted in Russia that at any moment they might decide it was time to go home. In our part of the grid, England are the only team to have been world champions. And one wants a new champion. No offense, Englishmen. It’s nothing personal. Just don’t quarrel with me at the highest level.

France

The African national soccer team with French passports has a good chance. They were booed in the match against Denmark by their own fans, so they are no longer afraid of anything.

Uruguay

If Uruguay wins, we will be able to say that even though we lost 0:3, we are world champions. As long as Suarez didn’t bite anyone and didn’t get disqualified, the chances are there.

Belgium

It will be awesome if Belgium reaches the final. The only team on their side of the grid that has never won a championship before. We want our championship to go down in history, don’t we? Belgium-Croatia, Belgium-Sweden and especially Belgium-Russia finals will definitely make the tournament legendary. Everyone will know that if someone wins for a long time in a sport and gets bored, all they have to do is to hold the competition in Russia.

Brazil

While the Brazilians beat Serbia, Costa Rica and Mexico, their eternal rivals the Italians and Dutch are not coming, the Germans, Argentines and Spaniards are out, and the French or Uruguayans will soon follow. Brazil’s opponent will likely forget to take the field for the semifinals, and will score a goal of their own in the final. There is Brazil and 7 other teams. The odds are 1:7. Just don’t show those numbers to the Brazilians.

There are 7 very interesting matches ahead and a 3rd place match where the crying losers of the semifinals will find out who is more unlucky. If you’ve been living in the cellar for three weeks and haven’t been following the World Cup news, it’s not too late to start. Sure, you won’t be able to enjoy Panama and Saudi Arabia, but there will be joy and misery in every match. Just like in the TV series.