How to let yourself go, how to focus and rest properly?

Many people have the desire to take complete control of everything: feelings, emotions, experiences, living events. But in life, things don’t always go the way we want them to. “In the moment” we can lose the sense of spontaneity and miss out on new experiences. What else is the danger of the habit of controlling everything?

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What does it mean to be in the moment?

Counseling psychologist in the field of interpersonal relationships

Mindfulness is about relaxation and flexibility of body and mind.

The modern trend towards mindfulness (that very “being in the moment”) is a useful thing. On the one hand, such a skill gives adequate perception of oneself and surrounding circumstances, people and events. As well as a clear and precise understanding of one’s driving motives, goals and aspirations, open attention to one’s psycho-emotional state with acceptance of it as a given and readiness to correct it as needed.

On the other hand, as in any other endeavor, it is important not to overdo it. It is worth distinguishing between mindfulness and intense attention. In the first case, as we said above, it is the ability to live in the present moment. In the second case, it is about looking at every detail, every movement. It is involvement in a mechanical process where a person literally “climbs with his feet on the table” and controls everything.

expert in achieving goals

Getting new skills, put them in automatic mode.

You don’t need to slow down processes and stop every time to analyze the correctness of actions. I like the metaphor with a game of tennis. Two opponents have a game, before serving each rests and adjusts for this game. Then they turn on as much as possible to win a point, at such moments nobody analyzes the strength of the stroke, the speed of the serve, how to turn the body and other data. Everything happens in the flow. Only after the draw they come back to the “here and now” and can analyze the game.

Why is it not always necessary to focus on the present?

So as not to inhibit productivity

Intense attention is about getting “stuck” in thoughts, actions, and circumstances that have little value. It stimulates an increase in the importance of the object or event to which the attention is directed. When a person turns on tense attention when performing daily routine tasks, which he is already accustomed to do reflexively, he hinders himself.

In order not to feel anxiety unnecessarily

Gregory: We live in an era of multitasking and cosmic speed in work and personal affairs. We can’t always concentrate on one thing and analyze our emotions and feelings in detail. That’s why we put many behavioral skills into an automated mode in order to have more time, not to look for meaning where there is none, to save energy and, finally, to protect our psyche. Because as soon as we start to live situations “in the moment”, we start to feel anxiety.

A simple example: you’re out jogging. Imagine if every step you will think about how to move your legs, how comfortable they are, while still paying attention to your breathing, immerse yourself in yourself and analyze the technique of movements. Enjoying running in this case is hardly possible. This approach to life speaks of hypercontrol, distrust in yourself and life, which causes only negative feelings.

So the advice “live in the here and now” is not always applicable to real life. Focusing on certain things is only useful when learning new skills – it is during the learning phase. Once the skills have been mastered and become part of the body’s reflex system, their purpose and mechanism of execution understood and memorized by the brain, the attention span can be loosened.